Wednesday, July 29, 2009

hello dik. it's me, kris.

G’day! *squinting* Where the hell are my sunglasses?? Oh, thanks.

Well, considering the fact that I come from an island, albeit a big one, it might seem strange that I sent in an application to DIK.

Hmmm, now I think of it, given I also live in what is said to be the most isolated capital city in the world, it could be argued that I actually come from a ‘desert island’.


Dear God, I’ve run away to my own home! What the hell was I thinking?! I-…

Tracy: Jen, would you stop giving her G&Ts. She’s starting to get maudlin and paranoid.

Jen: *snort* You try stopping an Aussie from drinking.

Sarah: You have to admit she’s doing pretty well. Let's face it she’s been on the grog since the day the newbies arrived.

LB: Sarah’s right. Who knew that someone could dance on the roof of a cabana like that?

Lea: *giggling* She did look cute wearing my blowfish top, didn’t she?

Hey! I can still hear you, you know. *hic*

Sarai: *beginning to wonder if she should have listened to Wave’s warnings* Kris, you need to finish your Day 1 and introduce yourself to everyone.

Jen: *rolls eyes* Some of us know way too much as it is.

Sarai: Nevertheless…

Alright already, but first… can someone get me some berocca and pain killers please? *touching temples* I’m feeling a tad delicate.

Favourite Reading Position
After I’ve locked up the front of the house so no one thinks I’m home, turned on the answering machine and flicked my mobile phone to silent, my favourite reading position is curled up on my couch in my PJs and, depending on where the yardarm is, a drink beside me.

Favourite Heroine
Eve Dallas. I think she; her vulnerability, her strength, her sense of right and wrong, her passion for justice, her tough cop attitude, her compassion, her loyalty to her friends, her love and relationship with Roarke, is probably one of the most well-developed characters I've ever read. Everything about her appeals to me as a reader and as a woman.

Author everyone loves but you don’t
Aussie authors Bryce Courtenay and Thomas Keneally. *ponders* Having said that, their books do make great door stops.

If you could be in one book/series/world which would you pick
Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series!!!!! I love it muchly. Two of my heroes - DEATH and Sam Vimes - are from this verse so I guess that kinda goes without saying. In all seriousness though, Pratchett is the only author I religiously buy in hardcover. He is a master of satire and extraordinarily clever and witty. He is my favouritest author.

How old is your inside voice
Usually it’s a 34 year old woman, but with a 12 year old boy’s sense of humour. The evidence:

Friggin' hilarious!

If you could be a hero who would you be
A 976 year old time lord, who not only goes on masses of adventures through space and time, but has a very cool home/ship and a K-9. I want a K-9. I think he would keep my boy kittens in line.

What heroine is most like you
My Mumma insists there is no one else like me in the whole entire world! *beams*

What heroine would you like to be
I have a habit of imagining myself in the life of whatever heroine I happen to be reading at the time so I'm not sure I have one stand-out heroine as such, although I do favour those who have some sort of mystical power. I think I'd like to strut around in leather being all kick arse whilst hunting for a missing *insert magical object here* and at the same time fighting my attraction to either a powerful Alpha who I know I'll have to submit to one day or a bad boy who's after the same object that I am. I think I would rock at it.

Boxers, Briefs, boxer briefs, kilt (I say we add commando)
Boxer briefs for sure. Any naysayers should check out the book cover below. I predict you will be instantly converted.


Favourite book set on a tropical island
The only book which immediately springs to mind is Lord of the Flies. However I wouldn't call it a favourite because, even after reading it eons ago for high school English, it still scares the crap out of me to this day. I find stories dealing with children in extreme circumstances (such as that of survival) very confronting.

What hero is most like your significant other
I’ve yet to find an SO who will not only keep me in the high number of books to which I've grown accustomed, but will leave me alone to read 'em. I live in hope.

What hero would you like to be your significant other
Roarke. Besides the whole intelligent, loyal, generous, sexy as hell thing, I’m pretty sure he’s rich enough to keep buying me all the books I want.

If you were stuck on a desert island what 3 things would you bring
Well, since the other newbies have already discovered that there’s a solar powered generator on the island, I’m definitely bringing my ereader (with AC adaptor!). The other two things I’m bringing with me are tampons and toilet paper cos no matter where a girl goes in the world she’ll inevitably need one or the other.

Favourite drink to bring to the DIK party
I can only choose one?? The hell you say! Was that in the fine print? Where are my papers again?

So, I’m pretty sure I’ll be here tomorrow *sometime*, otherwise you can try catching me

Gotta go now. I feel my seventy-second wind coming on and there’s a beer esky over there with my name on it.

Wave to a muttering Sarai: I told you so.


Anonymous said...

When you can find a SO who will support your book junkie habit and leave you alone until called upon MARRY HIM!!!!! That's what I did and don't have a single regret:) I know they are hard to find, but oh so worth the effort!!!!

Amanda said...

Great Post Kris, I recently started reading some of the discworld novels they are alot of fun!!

Kris said...

*making careful notes in 'how to snag a hubby' diary*

Thanks Amanda! Discworld is awesome, Terry Pratchett is awesome, and the whole thing is just, well, awesome. LOL.

Ana said...

EEE welcome to the island Kris! and I totally think you can bring as many drinks as you want!

Lea said...


Your Momma is so right girl!!! LOL You totally rock...

You do wear my blowfish top SO well...

BTW, I'm pretty partial to the male undies you have identified. Cool.

Okay, enjoy anoth brewsky and get that headache under control!!

Enjoy the rest of your island vacation Kris!!


Kris said...

Ana! One of my most belovedest pimps! Thank you for the welcome. Here's to you. *hic*

Lea: Thank you for letting me borrow your top, although I can't quite recollect the incident itself. *snort* I'm sure the Mumma will thank you for agreeing with her. She likes it when people do that. :)

Thanks also for your best wishes for my stay, but, geez, I think there is some sort of virus going around cos this headache just won't go away.

Tam said...

That blow-fish top is HOT!!! I like your heroine scenario with the bad boy. Sigh. Bay boys.... *looks longingly into space* Ahem, have a drink for me and enjoy your stay. Hope you get a few minutes to read and rest and don't spend all your time being ravished. Oh wait, forget sleeping, ravishing is way more fun. :-)

Casee said...

Eve Dallas so rocks it! I <3 her.

Lily said...

Kris, you're on an island wearing a fish bra. I think you probably started drinking real early. Keep it up. Drink and then drink some more.

Have a great time!!!

I'm looking forward to checking out you're hotties when you bring them out to play. Tomorrow?

Thanks for the yummy cookie trail ;)

Mary G said...

OMG Kris
Thise 2 book covers just did me in. You are so funny. Enjoy the island.

Anonymous said...


Great post.

I now realize why your reviews are always upside down - you were drinking while you were writing them*g*

I just love that Sindustry II cover.

Ana please don't tell her that she can bring as many drinks as she wants because she will!:)

Looking forward to tomorrow's post.

Blanche said...

Hi Kris!

Great post......that Sandra Hill cover is too funny! Love the undie cover too! :)

K. Z. Snow said...

You don't need tampons, pussy girl. Go find some hut to squat in for five days.

(No, I am NOT envious that you're on a tropical island and I'm in Wisconsin, surrounded by irrigators spraying fields of corn and spuds as I contemplate the approach of yet another brutal winter and wonder if the varmints in the woodpile will rip my throat out. Why should I be envious? WHY?!)

Kris said...

Tam: Bad boys. *sigh* Umm... The top! It rocks, right! I'm thinking about trying to get one in black (cos it's slimming) and pink (to match my hair). I think it will look t-rific!

Oh, and don't worry, I've already had one or two wee drinkies for you. ;)

Casee: I <3 her, too. She's tops. :)

Lily: I take your advice to heart and will do my darndest to fufill your wishes. *GRIN*

Err, I'm not quite sure my heroes are the hotties like some of the others on the island. I guess it depends on what turns you on - like a portly little Belgium maybe??

MaryG: Thanks! Although I have a particular fondess for the cover of the "Sindustry" anthology *who wouldn't*, the Sandra Hill spoof never ceases to make me giggle. *snicker*

Kris said...

Wave: Damn. My secret review weapon is out! LOL.

I have dreams about that cover. *sigh*

Don't tell Ana off! I'm pretty sure she is the one who rolled me to bed last night.

Blanche, hi! :) I think the Sandra Hill cover appears to the teenager in all of us. LOL.

As to the undie cover... flexibility is a truly beautiful thing. *g*

KZ: Dear. God. No, I would never have guessed that you weren't so envious that you would stoop to putting that image in my head. *mutterthankfrackIwasn'teatingbrekkiemutter*

Ingrid said...

Kris can I borrow your notes?

Mumma J said...

I love you lots Sissy AND don't let anyone tell you that you are not unique BUT - you are on the Desert Island right now, and drinking and stuff? Who is gonna be there for me when I get home?

Forget gin, vodka, beer, red and white wine and the Belgian, and lots of beautiful nubile tanned hard young men - what about ME.......

Kris said...

Ingrid: Of course, hun, but my guide is kind of in several *muttereightmutter* volumes. It might take a while for the postman to get it to you. :)

Mumma: Don't worry. I have access to a space ship and a horse who moves through space and time. I'll get be there early Sunday morning for your arrival. I'm not sure how sober I'll be, but I'll be there.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kris! OMG that "Pull My Finger" book cover has me cracking up! I so wasn't expecting that!



Ingrid said...

So many notes and still no one? Do you have the right ones then?

But maybe it's me but you really need a few days on an island. To refresh the mind etc.
Do hope you heroes don't make such a mess as Jen's did, she had no peace of mind at all.

Kris said...

MsM: *gigglesnorting* So, so funny! It nearly made me pee the first time I saw it.

Ingrid: You think my bible could be wrong? No, it can't be. *clutching throat*

Maybe it's you, but you think I need a holiday... Okay, I'll give you that one free *funny girl*, but the suggestion I've gone stale needs some sort of recompense. For eg an autographed book that someone might have just one won would work . Hehehe.

Jen should have used the naughty chair. Yanno, like the one she uses for her hubby?? Just sayin'.

Ingrid said...

At least she has one. and he let her read and play on the computer so he does something good there.

Hands of from my book!

Cecile Smutty Hussy said...

To hiliarous! I am still wiping my eyes from the tears that have run!!! OMG!!! Girl, drink up... and then drink *hiccup* up some more!!!
You rock out your time on the island!!!! And if that book cover of Mr. Flexiblty was a start... I can't wait for tomorrow!

Kris said...

Ingrid: *whipping hands around back* True, but you saw that he doesn't always like letting her play with us. :(

Cecile: *holds out glass for another drink* Well, if you insist. :) Although I'm a bit worried that the pressure and my, err, indisposition might just succeed in making my head explode. LOL.

Cecile Smutty Hussy said...

Girl, get a good night rest... a hot tottie might help to sooth the soul... and 4 ibuporhen... you will feel good tomorrow... oh if you really want to feel good tomorrow... take mr flexible with you to bed... i am sure he will make you feel good!!!! spirits up honey!

Kris said...

*blinks blearily at Cecile* What? Spirits up?? If you say so. *downs another shot* Whoa.

*spies Mr Flexible and bats eyelashes* HI! Is that a pole in you pants or are you just happy to see me?

Renee said...

Howdy, kris!

Great post. OK, so I had to pick up my eyeballs and put them back in my head after that book cover (and I don't mean the Pull My Finger one.) An excellent endorsement for boxer briefs if there ever was one! ;-)

Looking forward to your heroes and books!

Kris said...

Hiya Renee. Told you there would be converts. He sure is pretty, isn't he. :)

orannia said...


HI Kris! I know, I'm late and I'm sorry!

And K9 is the best. But honestly, can anything keep your boy kittens in line?

You don't like Bryce Courtenay? *shocked* *grin*

Sean Kennedy said...

The 12 year old in me laughed heartily at that book cover as well.

Kris said...

Hi Orannia sweetie! Lucky I love you is all I'm sayin'. You may be right about the boy kittens, but on the other hand K-9 DOES have a stun ray. That may even the odds.

"You don't like Bryce Courtenay? *shocked* *grin*"

Shocking, isn't it. *snort*

Sean: And you mock me when I say it's meant! ;)

KT Grant said...

Time Lord? Would you have a big ship and big laser to wear?

Kris said...

Well, I don't usually like to talk about my role playing, especially my strap-ons, but maybe just for you...

Tracy said...

I wish you were, ya know, funnier. Cuz this post only made me spit Diet Coke all over my sisters keyboard. I think you can do better. :)

Welcome to the island my friend!

Kris said...

Sorry to disappoint, Tracy. I'll promise to try harder.

BTW, I hope your sis kicks your arse for wrecking her keyboard.

Sarai said...

Why am I the only one that sounded like a grown up?
LOL welcome to da island Kris!!!!

Kris said...

Comes with being The Boss, Sarai. LOL.

Thanks for your welcome. I've had fun. :)

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