Some of the Best of DIK from 2010 - Exclusive! The Eric Northman - Little CJ Interview

How could we have a "Best Of"  without having one of Carolyn Jean's (aka Carolyn Crane) famous interviews?  This one had me holding my sides I was laughing so hard.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.


Island exclusive! Eric Northman interviews Crazy Little CJ to learn all about Carolyn Crane and her upcoming novel, MIND GAMES!

Eric: Welcome, Crazy Little CJ. I'm so glad you made the time to be here today. For our guests who don't know, Crazy Little CJ is Carolyn Crane's childhood portrait, painted by an elderly aunt. Crazy Little CJ, I understand you have hung on Carolyn Crane's office wall for years, because her husband won't let you be in the living room because he thinks your eyes follow him everywhere. I think that is terrible.

Little CJ: Yeah. It is. And it's just Little CJ. You can drop the crazy.


Eric: Okay, let's get right to it. Little CJ, I am so in love with Carolyn Crane. You have to help me get inside her head. How can I make her love me? I had hoped that now that I am a TV star, she would think I’m special, but frankly, I feel neglected.

Little CJ : Join the club, dude.

Eric: But you know her better than anybody else. Please, Little CJ—

Little CJ: [interrupting] - Excuse me, sorry, this isn’t what I want to talk about. I’m sorry for your problems and all, but I’m here to unveil something.

Eric: Is it Carolyn Crane? Is she here? How does my hair look? Is—

Little CJ: [interrupting] - you wanna shut your fang box for a sec?

Little CJ: That’s better, TV stud. Okay, I wanted to unveil the cover of the sequel to MIND GAMES! The title is DOUBLE CROSS. It was DOUBLE TAKE but it got changed.

Eric: But MIND GAMES isn’t even out yet. Shouldn’t we be discussing MIND GAMES? I understand it’s fantastic.

Little CJ: Whatever on MIND GAMES. The book you really want to pay attention to is DOUBLE CROSS, the second in the Justine Jones: disillusionist trilogy. And I happen to have a sneak peek of the cover to show our readers today!

~ stony silence ~

Little CJ: You like?

Eric: Not really. I don’t get it. Why are you on the cover.

Little CJ: What’s wrong? I don’t look kick ass enough? Don’t you see my knife?

Eric: Yeah, I see it.

Little CJ: And? And what do you think of my sidekick?

Eric: It doesn’t make sense that Spectra would have a book with this sort of cover, especially as a followup to MIND GAMES, which is a fun, psychologically plotty, sort of sexy urban fantasy. This new cover feels more YA.

Little CJ: What are you? A publishing industry expert now? My sidekick and I fight crime through paranormal cuteness. When people see how cute we are, they think of all the children and baby animals in the world and decide not to be evil anymore.

Eric: What happened to the psychological hit squad? The neurotic vigilantes? The tortured mastermind hero? All the plot elements of MIND GAMES.

Little CJ: That's all history in the second book of the trilogy. Because, let’s be honest, after that hot tub scene in MIND GAMES, I felt like Carolyn needed to clean up her act. Or that psycho hunting cabin scene? Please. I’m trying to rehabilitate her image here.

Eric: Carolyn Crane’s image seems fine to me.

Little CJ: Yeah - to you maybe. Can you guess what my sidekick is named?

Eric: *sullenly* Vampire snack?

Little CJ: *kicks Eric in the shin* No, his name is Buttons.

Tomorrow: Eric Interviews Miss Doreen about the secrets of getting to Carolyn Crane’s heart. The Miss Doreen Interview here. More about MIND GAMES here.

Exclusive! The Eric Northman - Miss Doreen interview!

Another DIK island exclusive! Eric Northman, of Southern Vampire Mysteries and True Blood fame, interviews Miss Doreen to learn about author Carolyn Crane, and her soon-to-be-released novel, MIND GAMES!

Eric: Welcome Miss Doreen. I understand you are a reviewer over at author Carolyn Crane's book blog, The Thrillionth Page. That must be such an honor.

Miss Doreen: Thanks, Mr. Northman. And I must say, it is an honor. As you may or may not know, I feel very passionately about cowboy menages! I think they're outrageous! It's been my self-appointed duty to read any book where I suspect there might be a cowboy menage and then tell the world about it. Carolyn Crane supports me in this important mission
.

Eric: So, Carolyn Crane isn't into cowboy menages?

Miss Doreen: Heavens no! She's happily married, and you know, it's not an MMF type of marriage, and her husband doesn't even wear a cowboy hat in bed. I have quizzed her on all this repeatedly.

Eric: What is she into? Does she like vampires? And has she ever spoken to you about the sorts of hairstyles she likes to see on men? Also, does she prefer shaved chests? And, what if the man has blond hair? Is a bit of pubic hair alright then?

Miss Doreen: Eric, what does this have to do with Carolyn's Urban Fantasy trilogy?

Eric: So sorry. Miss Doreen, please tell me about Mind Games, the first book in Carolyn's trilogy, aka: The Justine Jones: disillusionist trilogy. I understand it's a really great read!

Miss Doreen: I have scoured Mind Games, and I can definitely report that there are no cowboy menages in it at all. Completely cowboy menage-free.

Eric: Is that all you have to say?

Miss Doreen: Kind of. Because I have news! It's huge news. The cover art for the second Justine Jones: disillusionist book, DOUBLE CROSS has just come out, and it's fantastic.

Eric: I know. I saw the cover yesterday.

Miss Doreen: That wasn't the cover! Come on, Mr. Northman, even you were suspicious of that cover. It was ridiculous. Here is the true cover:

Miss Doreen: What do you think?

Eric: * utter silence *

Miss Doreen: Double Cross is an erotic cowboy menage dystopian. You see, instead of avoiding the issue of cowboy menages (because, let's face it Mr. Northman, everybody knows that they're the 900 pound gorilla that everybody is thinking about, but will not talk about!) Crane fully imagines a world where cowboy menages are the norm.

But then, a lone crusader, Justine Jones' aunt, known only as "D" submits herself to a torrid cowboy menage--she journeys straight into the heart of evil in order to fully emerge on the other side of it. She describes the long, lusty sessions of MMF cowboy lovemaking in exact detail - every permutation - as a way of reflecting the dystopian cowboy menage society back to itself.

Eric: That doesn't sound like a very good book.

Miss Doreen: The cover blurb will be: a embedded reporter in a depraved and torrid world of cowboy menages! Get it? Embedded reporter.

Eric: I'd rather read about Justine Jones and her gang of neurotic vigilantes battling paranormal crime. That what entices me about Mind Games. I think cowboy menages would ruin that type of plot.

Miss Doreen: Well, you're in the minority, Mr. Northman! Cowboy menage dystopians are the next steampunk. You need to get with it. This is the book Carolyn Crane has to write if she wants to save her career. Deep down, I think she knows it. Don't encourage her by fawning over Mind Games.

Eric: I think you're making it up. I think you want Double Cross to have cowboy menages in it, but I bet if Carolyn Crane were here, she would say otherwise. Where is Carolyn Crane? I think we should call her!

Miss Doreen: What does the title Double Cross say to you exactly, if not a cowboy menage dystopian?

Eric: It says to me, Book #2 of a cool Urban Fantasy read.

Miss Doreen: Well you would be wrong. *Miss Doreen stands* Good Day Sir! *Miss Doreen storms out*

More about Mind Games here. Carolyn's blog, The Thrillionth Page here. Please report any Carolyn Crane sightings to Eric@truebloodTV2000.com

Part ONE of this interview series here: Eric interviews Little CJ!

Exclusive! The Eric Northman - Little CJ interview

Island exclusive! Eric Northman interviews Crazy Little CJ to learn all about Carolyn Crane and her upcoming novel, MIND GAMES!

Eric: Welcome, Crazy Little CJ. I'm so glad you made the time to be here today. For our guests who don't know, Crazy Little CJ is Carolyn Crane's childhood portrait, painted by an elderly aunt. Crazy Little CJ, I understand you have hung on Carolyn Crane's office wall for years, because her husband won't let you be in the living room because he thinks your eyes follow him everywhere. I think that is terrible.

Little CJ: Yeah. It is. And it's just Little CJ. You can drop the crazy.


Eric: Okay, let's get right to it. Little CJ, I am so in love with Carolyn Crane. You have to help me get inside her head. How can I make her love me? I had hoped that now that I am a TV star, she would think I’m special, but frankly, I feel neglected.

Little CJ : Join the club, dude.

Eric: But you know her better than anybody else. Please, Little CJ—

Little CJ: [interrupting] - Excuse me, sorry, this isn’t what I want to talk about. I’m sorry for your problems and all, but I’m here to unveil something.

Eric: Is it Carolyn Crane? Is she here? How does my hair look? Is—

Little CJ: [interrupting] - you wanna shut your fang box for a sec?

Little CJ: That’s better, TV stud. Okay, I wanted to unveil the cover of the sequel to MIND GAMES! The title is DOUBLE CROSS. It was DOUBLE TAKE but it got changed.

Eric: But MIND GAMES isn’t even out yet. Shouldn’t we be discussing MIND GAMES? I understand it’s fantastic.

Little CJ: Whatever on MIND GAMES. The book you really want to pay attention to is DOUBLE CROSS, the second in the Justine Jones: disillusionist trilogy. And I happen to have a sneak peek of the cover to show our readers today!

~ stony silence ~

Little CJ: You like?

Eric: Not really. I don’t get it. Why are you on the cover.

Little CJ: What’s wrong? I don’t look kick ass enough? Don’t you see my knife?

Eric: Yeah, I see it.

Little CJ: And? And what do you think of my sidekick?

Eric: It doesn’t make sense that Spectra would have a book with this sort of cover, especially as a followup to MIND GAMES, which is a fun, psychologically plotty, sort of sexy urban fantasy. This new cover feels more YA.

Little CJ: What are you? A publishing industry expert now? My sidekick and I fight crime through paranormal cuteness. When people see how cute we are, they think of all the children and baby animals in the world and decide not to be evil anymore.

Eric: What happened to the psychological hit squad? The neurotic vigilantes? The tortured mastermind hero? All the plot elements of MIND GAMES.

Little CJ: That's all history in the second book of the trilogy. Because, let’s be honest, after that hot tub scene in MIND GAMES, I felt like Carolyn needed to clean up her act. Or that psycho hunting cabin scene? Please. I’m trying to rehabilitate her image here.

Eric: Carolyn Crane’s image seems fine to me.

Little CJ: Yeah - to you maybe. Can you guess what my sidekick is named?

Eric: *sullenly* Vampire snack?

Little CJ: *kicks Eric in the shin* No, his name is Buttons.

Tomorrow: Eric Interviews Miss Doreen about the secrets of getting to Carolyn Crane’s heart. The Miss Doreen Interview here. More about MIND GAMES here.

Blue Light Special

**ATTENTION DIK SHOPPERS ATTENTION**

Today we have a special in aisle two.

A free sample of CAROLYN CRANE's upcoming release MIND GAMES!

All you need to do is leave your name and email addy and I, LB/LISABEA will place your wee name on a scrap of paper, drop it in my bucket, and I could possibly if you are VERY lucky, select you to win a SIGNED (not really) SEALED AND DELIVERED copy of MIND GAMES**see photo.

Carolyn Crane: Hold ON! You can't give away my book, I was just going to give away YOUR book today!!! Your release is way before mine! Gimme that bucket.



LB: Where the hell did you come from? This is my DIK. Not yours. ::checks security of password:: You can give a book away next week when it's YOUR turn. ::shoves CJ:: Until that time, here's a shivery excerpt of CAROLYN CRANE'S highly recommended first novel MIND GAMES.

Shivery Excerpt of MIND GAMES by CAROLYN CRANE:

FROM WHERE WE SIT I have the perfect view of Shady Ben Foley, dining on the other side of the lavishly decorated Mongolian restaurant. He’s with an innocent-looking young couple— a pretty girl with dark ringlets and a wholesome blond country- boy fellow. Do they not get what he is?

The last time I saw Foley was maybe fifteen years ago— I was a teen and he was a middle- aged man in drawstring pants, mowing his lawn and ripping off my family. He’s grown paler and thicker, but I recognized his sharp little nose and peering eyes the instant I saw him out on the street.

My boyfriend, Cubby, pulls a hunk of meat off his skewer. He’s been a good sport, letting me drag him here to basically stalk a man--

Carolyn Crane: *interrupting excerpt* HEY, that's enough! stop it! It's my DIK now, because Catch Me if You Can is coming out NEXT WEEK, on March 2nd! And it's a a fun, sexy caper where getting caught is half the fun. And I'm giving it away NOW! So go sit down!

LB Gregg: No!

*Carolyn Crane grabs LB Gregg by the hair and hurls LB across the room into the wall.

Carolyn Crane: AHEM, DIK SHOPPERS! Today we have a special in aisle two--a free sample of LB Gregg's upcoming release. Leave your name and email addy and I, Carolyn Crane, will place your wee name on a scrap of paper, drop it in my bucket, and I could possibly if you are VERY lucky, select you to win a SIGNED (not really) SEALED AND DELIVERED copy of CATCH ME IF YOU CAN**see photo.

LB arranges flatty hair-do over bump-it: I understand that within CAROLYN CRANE's exciting first novel due for release on March 23rd but you can pre-order from Amazon here--the heroine Justine knows she's going to die. At any second. DO YOU SEE A SIMILARITY MISS CJ?

::LB makes puny fist::

Carolyn: *Throws head back and laughs* Try it.

LB: Uh. Okay. *Lisabea punches Carolyn in the face and, arms akimbo, CJ flies into a sand dune on the island shore.*

Carolyn: *Fighting her way out of sand and picks up a palm frond* Keep your DISTANCE! Because I understand that within CATCH ME IF YOU CAN there is a mysterious art gallery gatecrasher. And a mysteriously missing Justin Timberlake statue. People are going to want to know WTF is up with that. And I AM going to send them the book so that they find out.

*Carolyn whips palm frond in the air at LB*

Carolyn: Here is the blurb of CATCH ME IF YOU CAN:

The fear of getting caught is half the fun.

Lowly art gallery assistant Caesar Romano is freely out of the closet. Now he'd just like to get out of his Nana's guest room. Everything -- his reputation and his financial freedom -- is riding on the success of tonight's gallery opening. If only he could shake free of the past so easily.

A mysterious gatecrasher, Dan Green, looks like a promising addition to his pending new life -- until Caesar's ex shows up and suddenly the opening disintegrates into a half-naked dance melee. When the glitter settles, a missing sculpture of Justin--

LB: *interrupting blurb* What are you doing? NO! We at DIK want to know more about the psychological hit squad and who exactly it is they're hitting on--because that's naughty! It's pure genius and we're quivering with anticipation over CAROLYN CRANE's new book MIND GAMES because we luff her and we know she's going to kick all kinds of ass.

*Carolyn pokes LB in the eye.* NO! We want to know about the insane capers, and the clown kleptomania.

LB: Get that fricken twig out of my eye, CJ. OW!

Carolyn and LB fight some more. Punches are thrown. Hair is pulled. Heros begin to gather, eyes gleaming. Bets are placed.



Carolyn: Wait, we don't have to fight. We can each give away each other's book!

LB: You. Don't. Say.

Carolyn: I'll give away yours on March 2, and you can give away mine on March 23rd! One random commenter can win both books.

LB: You're such a smarty, CAROLYN CRANE. It's one of the things I love about you! Plus your fashion sense and the fact that you're a lightweight. ::dusts hands::

**LB glares at heroes as money changes hands** Alright Alright. Nothing to see here people. Keep moving.

Leave a comment here between now and next Monday March 1 and you'll be entered into the BUCKET for our

CJ & Lisabea have book releases WOOT contest

Tell them the parameters, CAROLYN CRANE.

Carolyn: Okay, um... *wipes blood from fat lip, glaring at LB* Okay.

RULES: to enter, leave a comment naming a favorite showdown from literature. It can be vampire on vampire, hero on vampire, heroine on werewolf, or even verbal sparring from a historical! ONE lucky winner will be chosen randomly. That lucky winner will win TWO books! First, One copy of CATCH ME IF YOU CAN by LB GREGG will arrive. Later in March, one copy of MIND GAMES by CAROLYN CRANE will arrive. Contest closes Sunday February 28th 11:59 pm ET.

Thank you.

(LB to CJ: So, hey, are we going for coffee or what?)

Creepy Halloween writing observation #1

One thing about being a writer is that you have to learn to see the world from many different characters' mindsets, even those most strange and frightening to you.

As a writer, I strive to understand all darkness, not just in my current characters, but all possible characters. How does a vampire feel when he sucks the last drop of blood from a victim? Where is the pleasure in feeling the corpse limp in ones hands? I need to be able to understand the quivering anticipation a strangler in the 1600's felt, approaching a lonely girl on the streets, hands itching to tighten over a nubile neck.

What is that killer's mind like? How does life feel to him or her?

What is it like to be a hungry werewolf, or an insane god? What is that mind like?

I find, if I really want to, I can key into most any kink and "get" what's sexy about it, at least enough to write about it if I want--jock sniffing, poop eating, even the most depraved role playing.

However, the other day while I was running, switching around stations on my radio headphones set, I came across this song and it baffled and disturbed me.

What is the world like to the mind that wrote this song? People somewhere thought it was sexy. How is that possible? I was a child when it came out. Was I affected? What manner of darkness of the soul produced this?

Watch the video closely. Is it possible these two are being forced by a third party? They seem a bit under duress. Who smiles while singing about muskrats having sex? Captain makes sex sounds with his keyboards. Surely a grown man wouldn't do this without some sort of threat, perhaps an sinister presence lurking just outside the camera lens.

Please advise!

xoxo Carolyn Crane (aka Carolyn Jean)

DIK's Very Own Authors

Did you know that we have our very own authors here on the Island? That's right we do. This way if we manage to read all of the books that the we've brought with us - as well as the ones that our guests have brought - we'll have our wonderful locals to write more books! What do you mean that's not why we brought them? Ah well, we're happy they're here no matter what!

First we have Katie Reus. Her latest release Finding Hope is from The Wild Rose Press.

Twenty three years ago, Luke Romanov’s childhood playmate disappeared without a trace and he’s never stopped blaming himself. When the family he works for hires a woman identical to his childhood friend, he’ll stop at nothing to discover her true identity, even if it means betraying her.

What few memories photographer Hope Jennings has of her past aren’t pretty. The monsters from her nightmares make it impossible to completely erase her violent history, but she’s living her life one day at a time. Hired to photograph a wealthy family’s ancestral home in the Caribbean, she expects to work hard, get the job done, and go home. Instead, Hope finds unexpected passion in the arms of the family’s sexy and dangerous security expert, who has the power to destroy the safe life she’s built for herself. When someone from her past targets her to die, Hope doesn’t know who to trust.

(Katie also writes erotic romance under the name Savannah Stuart.)


Next up we have our very own Lisabea who writes under the name L.B. Gregg. Her third book in the Men of Smithfield series, Cover Me, will release on October 2nd from Aspen Mountain Press.


Lax.

That was the initial conclusion enigmatic security specialist Max Douglas had drawn of Michael “Finn” Finnegan—Dalton Prep’s beloved English teacher. When Max arrives at Smithfield’s exclusive boarding school to protect a high profile student against a mysterious stalker, he’s hell bent on enforcing his style of leadership on students and teachers alike. Warring tempers turn to passionate lovemaking between the former marine and the easy going drama coach. But danger is closer than either man expects and all too quickly violence rocks the homey campus—putting both men at risk.


We also have Carolyn Jean who writes under the name Carolyn Crane and will have her first book, Mind Games, published with Bantam Spectra Publishing on March 23, 2010.


Mind Games is the first in an urban fantasy trilogy about a hypochondriac who joins a psychological hit squad. It takes place in a fantastical Milwaukee/Chicago.

Eric Northman's secret diary day 240

...continued from day 238 and day 239 below.

Day 240: Valentine’s Day

Having V in our little club has actually been quite nice. The BDBs are a lot more tolerable when you isolate them. In fact, after sundown, V helped me carry the chair I made for CJ to the grassy area outside her sitting room to surprise her, and we angled it so that it would make the maximum impression on my beauty.

And then ‘ol whiskachops arrives. Grrreat. He takes a look at the chair and says, Good God! What IS that thing, you PSYCHOS?

And I said, It’s a chair, a gift to show Carolyn Jean what she means to me.

And whiskachops replies, If you were a proper hero, a mere touch of a hand, or a stare out a window would say everything to her, and you wouldn’t need such sick gifts.

And then V speaks up: he says, You want me to tighten that cravat for you, my man?

And whiskachops says, You want me to tighten your cravat?

And V said, I’m not wearing one. It’s 2009, dude, BUY A CLUE.

And whiskachops said, I fear the price would be much too dear.

V gave him a somewhat hazy look, then he simply scowled and said, How bout if you get off my dick?

And then whiskachops says, I’m sorry, even with the technological advancements of the age, we’ve been unable to locate it.

V went after him, but wouldn’t you know, Joscelin Verreuil appeared to protect whiskachops, and V backed off. I couldn’t blame him. Nobody wants to attack that nut Verreuil until we figure out what the hell vambraces are and what they might do to a vampire.

V sauntered off and I waited for some time, then went in to Carolyn Jean’s rooms. She wasn’t being fanned by Morelli and Ranger as is her usual mid-evening routine, but was simply sitting alone in the dark in one of her despondent moods.

What’s wrong, my flower? I asked, brushing a lock of raven hair from her goddess-like face.

Oh, Eric, I’m getting old. I’m already getting gray hair and wrinkles, she sniffled. What's the point of it all? Plus, I’m afraid by the time my novel comes out, nobody will be reading paranormals or UF anymore. And I work so hard all the time, but sometimes I wonder, is this what life is for? I have wrinkles! What’s the point of it all?

I inhaled sharply. This is usually the sort of question she reserves for Archangel Michael, who is also part of our household. I was overjoyed that she asked me, but my joy quickly turned to angst, as I could not think of an answer. I tried to imagine what gobbledygook Michael would say, but I couldn’t!

A lone tear rolled down her perfect cheek. I have never felt at such a loss!

I simply extended my hand to her. Come.

She stood and I covered her moist eyes with my hands and marched her to the chair I’d fashioned. Happy Valentine’s day, my love, I whispered, and then I removed my hands.

Oh, Eric, she gasped. It’s beautiful! You made this? I nodded proudly. It’s the most wonderful chair in the world!

I wish I had an answer to your question my lady, I said.

An answer! She snorted. Screw it. I don't give a crap anyways. Then she bade me to get her the rat skull necklace I made her for Christmas. I returned with it and she put it over her head and sat prettily in her chair. How do I look?

Totally badass, my lady, I said.

She smiled. Good. She yelled for Kirk to light some torches around her and go fetch Ciara and Ethan. And then she patted the space next to her. Come sit with me, Eric. And so began another enchanted evening.

Eric Northman's secret diary day 239

...continued from day 238 below
Day 239

Our time in the cave was a success. Sully lost a great deal of money to me in blackjack, Dain made a wonderful drunken spectacle of himself and broke some stalagmites, the Wroths told some dirty stories and I once again had the opportunity to break CAB's nose. F**king delightful.

But then, wouldn’t you know, Rain Tairen Soul discovered us having fun without him and he freaked out. How could you not invite me to your secret cave? he cried, laying waste to the area around the cave entrance, as the clouds whirled and all such things. Do you not like me?

Uh, no?

Then Rhev told him it’s a secret club, just for vampires whose names begin with certain letters, and men with the initials D or GS. We asked Rain if he was a vampire, or if his name had the initial D or GS.

Rain again began to shake with anger, and the wind whipped up, and the birds began to fall from the trees. No! he cried. I am not a vampire and my name doesn't have those initials!!!

Then Rhev told Rain if he would bring us a duckbill platypus from the other side of the island we would consider letting him play. He was off like a shot. But of course we realized he would tell his buddies, Mulder, Kirk, Kel-Paten and worst of all, Batman.

Grrrrrreat.

Rhev reminded us if we had invited the BDBs, they could’ve scrubbed Rain's memory and dropped him on the other side of the island. We put it to a vote and decided V could be invited to our secret hideout if he hurried and scrubbed Rain, but NONE OF THE OTHER BDBs. And no rapping. Hopefully that will work. I don’t mind V, and I know Carolyn Jean has always thought very highly of him, ever since she read about that bathroom episode.

Sometimes I look at Carolyn Jean while she is sleeping and I want to weep from gratitude that she chose me first, above all other heroes. I love her raven hair, and the lilt in her voice, and the way she always knows the right things to say and do to make this life here fun.

I know she was upset when Ciara took Ethan McCabe in the hero draft, because he was CJ's other first choice.

The other night we were walking together and she saw Ethan weaving a hat for Ciara out of fruit, flowers and feathers from colorful island birds, as well a his own feathers.

Nice hat, she sniffed. Not!

Ma’am, Ethan said in his ridiculous accent, and then he went to a nearby clearing to gather more feathers.

Jealously does not become you, my sweet, I said.

I'm not jealous. It’s just a stupid hat, she said, kicking dirt on it, and then she stormed off.

Ah, my spiteful little vixen!

Since then I have been working on a Valentine’s day gift for Carolyn Jean: a glorious chair made from bleached tendons and bones of various dead animals as well as shark’s teeth and bits of fur.

Plus a skull. Don't ask.

The point is, my CJ will love it, I’m sure; it suits her temperament perfectly; what’s more, the other island girls, especially Ciara, will stew with jealously, which will make my flower all the happier.

Eric Northman's secret diary day 238

Day 238

The nights begin to grow shorter. Nearly eight months now since the mysterious force landed us on this godforsaken island.

Last night the Wroth brothers and I were sitting on the beach complaining bitterly about it all when that madman Rhev came limping up telling us he had something to show us.

We told him to F**K OFF, assuming he had made another one of his “dioramas.” Rhev’s twisted sense of humor troubles even me; the man fails to understand: creating such gory masterpieces is not impressive and not something that is going to induce the Wroths and I to want to include him in our fun.

Last night, though, Rhev wouldn’t give up, insisting that this was something we would indeed want to see, so finally we consented. Rhev actually led us (Me and the Wroths, plus Bones and CAB were there by then) to something of value—a system of underground caverns—dark, dank, gloomy and teeming with rodents, spiders and venomous snakes.

Seeing the cave, we were all thinking the same thing: finally, poker games without interference. Fun, with nobody to stop us. A place of our own to wait out the days—at least the days when our women are otherwise occupied.

Because naturally, nothing compares to spending time with Carolyn Jean. She is a true goddess, so brilliant and beautiful and delightful. I can hardly believe I ever loved that backwater bimbo when such a creature as Carolyn Jean roamed the earth.

At any rate, Conrad and I warned Rhev not to tell the other BDBs the location of the caves, and especially not Phury and Butch. Rhev protested and Bones was immediately on him, fangs bared, and then we all got into it. Snarling bloody mess. Why is it always such a deep satisfaction to me to break CAB’s perfect nose? Though he took a chunk of my thigh, and I gave Conrad a good mauling. half his intentines were hanging out. Great fun. None of the more priggish members of our island society to stop us.

By the end it was decided that Rhev could not tell any of the BDBs; one can only imagine how the acoustics of the cave would augment their insufferable renditions of Snoop Dogg and Vanilla Ice hits. Sully of course would be invited. Michael would know whether we told him or not, but CAB was warned not to breathe a word of this to Hugh.

Rhev wanted to invite his great buddy Dain and we heartily agreed, as Dain knows how to have fun as well as any non-human.

Then, the blood pact was made. If any one of us told Fox Mulder, Captain Kirk, Brendan Kel-Paten or Batman the whereabouts of the cave, they would allow themselves to be staked to meet the sun.

Little CJ interviews LB Gregg!

Gobsmacked, the first novella in LB Gregg's Men of Smithfield series comes out on February 6th, and LB Gregg is here on DIK Island! (At least part is. We'll get to that in a moment.)

First off, the blurb:

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Mild mannered Mark Meehan’s good judgment flies out the window when he finds his lover banging another man. Things go from bad to worse as Mark’s crazy revenge scheme uncovers shocking secrets—sending him straight into the arms of hunky lawman and old friend, Tony Gervase, a man of limited patience and secrets of his own.

Little CJ: LB Gregg, thanks for making time in your busy day for me! Okay, you know what? I love your picture - you are so hot and masculine, but I'm mad we don't we get to see the rest of you. What's up with that? I want to see what you LOOK like!

LB Gregg: That’s not my picture, that’s a Man from Smithfield. You know…he’s a strapping New Englander. The yummiest kind of man. It’s obviously the height of summer, otherwise he’d be wearing long johns, a henley, a flannel, a polar fleece, a down jacket, a toboggan…. You’re supposed to imagine the face, little one. IMAGINE.

Little CJ: I'm supposed to imagine the face? What are you talking about? I meant the BOTTOM HALF of the picture. Who can think about the face when you have your pants unbuttoned and you cut the picture off there?  Dude, I have been hanging on a wall for over three decades! Come on, give it up.

LB Gregg: Stony silence.

Little CJ: Okay, let's get right to it. Is there any hot sex in Gobsmacked?

LB Gregg: No beating around the bush with you, is there? Of course there’s hot manloving m/m action. Plenty of tension and some smooching. And other things that you'll enjoy.

Little CJ: You mean, the cop in the story will wear only a cop hat and utility belt during the hot action and say sexy things in a walkie talkie voice?

LB Gregg: Er. No. ::scribbles that down for future book::

Little CJ: Hey, I read your excerpt. Twice. I love how Tony the cop gets all stern and sort of cop-like with the main character Mark. It's super hot. Why are cops so hot?

LB Gregg: Oh that's an excellent question! Cops represent justice, right from wrong, black and white. So when they break the rules, or in this case, make mistakes, it humanizes them. I find it makes for a good character dynamic. They are straight shooters, plus they always have handcuffs.

Little CJ: I am liking the sound of this. Okay, this cop has a secret. Why is that even hotter? Can you tell us what the secret is?

LB Gregg: No. Sorry, doll, you'll have to read the book. But his secret will take you by surpise. Which is the point of a SECRET.

Little CJ: *sniffs* Okay. *stops sniffing, smiles prettily.* I read the blurb. OMG, these two characters are really different from each other! How would they even, ever, like, agree on a restaurant?

LB Gregg: Mark and Tony have been friends for a long time, and like most friends, they enjoy many of the same things while being very different people. As Mark’s life spins out of control and he gets deeper into hot water, Tony becomes the voice of reason. He’s actually rather bossy but…he’s decided now is the time to make his move on Mark. He’s not entirely heroic here. I like him even more for it.

And hey, sweetie, everybody likes pizza. My guess is that Tony would order sausage, and Mark would get a meat lovers special.

Little CJ: My kinda man! Now, there has been tons of buzz about the first scene. Where did you get the idea for it?

LB Gregg: Tons of buzz. Hm. Sometimes I get divine inspiration, in this case quite literally. Most of the time, ideas come when I'm driving around town.

St. Joe’s, the church where the opening scene is set, is a combination of my own Parish and the Parish next door. Yes. Next door. I was sitting in church one Sunday, looking at the stained glass window, and I thought about how restrained everyone is while they’re in the sanctuary. I thought….what if someone lost their cool, picked up a bible, and beaned their spouse for some act of stupidity? It would be dramatic, unexpected, horrifying….and because I’m irreverent…it would be pretty damn funny.

Little CJ: What's your favorite part of the book?

LB Gregg: I think the ending, when Mark has to make the decision to help someone he doesn't like. Mark's had a few difficult days and for the first time we see him as proactive, instead of reactive. I also love the scene with Mark and his sister, Sarah, because Mark, unlike many m/m heroes, has a great relationship with his family.

And, naturally, all the lovin' with Tony, particularly in the bedroom. Tony is a great guy and he likes to lead.

Little CJ: Why Smithfield?

LB Gregg: I can’t think of any series that takes place in the Northeast, never mind gay romances. This place is filled with lonely, hunky available men! Men in plaid jackets! And work boots! And preppy boys who like to row on the lakes (and if that isn't what God intended Preppy Men to do, I don't know what is), and scholarly boys at our fine Ivy League Colleges, and all those wonderful men in Provincetown. Men who sail. Men who hike. Men who chop wood. And let us never forget, the men who ski. Basically? Write what you know. I know this place like the back of my hand.

Little CJ: Cool! Thanks for coming, LB Gregg!! You are the best.

Okay, the dirt: The ebook comes out February 6th from Aspen Press, and the print edition comes out from MLRP in March.

Learn more about LBGregg and sign up for the newsletter here.

Not posting today

I know it's my day to post, but I don't feel it's appropriate in light of recent events (see below). I totally condemn this terrible tragedy and will work tirelessly to help ensure the perpetrators are brought to justice.

Yours,
Carolyn Jean
The Thrillionth Page

Breaking News: Three suspects sought in island outrage

DIK ISLAND - In a turn of events that shocked residents of this sleepy island, three individuals landed on the shore in what appeared to be an eighteenth century style schooner and left with a number of items and several male inhabitants.

Three suspects are wanted for questioning include “Crazy Little CJ,” who appears to be a young girl but has reputedly been trapped in a painting for several decades, notorious novelist L. B. Gregg, and actress turned fashion designer Jaclyn Smith of Charlie’s Angels fame.

Items reported missing include an ice machine, several of the female inhabitants' chocolate and liquor supplies, and an inflatable zodiac raft.

It was unclear if the male residents left willingly or unwillingly, but law enforcement officials will not rule out foul play.

Listed among the missing are Ethan McCabe, Richard Armitage, Bowen MacRieve, Royce Westmoreland, Conrad Wroth, Logan a.k.a. Wolverine, Fox Mulder and King Leonidas. An individual known as Zsadist is also presumed missing, but that has not been verified.

The authenticity of a statement signed by MacRieve, Westmoreland, Wroth, Wolverine, Mulder and Leonidas stating that they are "heartbroken" due to rejection from by a woman they called Ana has not be confirmed by authorities.

Likewise, the authenticity of a statement signed by McCabe and Armitage claiming to be on a worldwide search for one ‘Carolyn Jean’ has not been verified.

The individual referred to as ‘Zsadist’ may also be among the missing, however, tearful sources claim that they can’t be sure he’s gone until nightfall, which led to extensive speculation among bystanders as to why a man would hide during the day.


Island inhabitants seemed dazed and were reluctant to give full names. They were also reluctant to provide information about about the day-to-day activities of the island, which outside observers consider mysterious. Male inhabitants appear to hold jobs, many of them in law enforcement, cattle wrangling and as international business tycoons, yet there is no evidence of commerce or ranching, and no law enforcement agency in operation there at this time.

Female inhabitants appear studious and even bookish, but reports from passing boats have led to speculation about unsavory highjinks. Casual observers point to the size of many of the men as evidence that steroid use is rampant there. A number of large dogs were observed from circling helicopters.

Said one resident: “this island isn’t sleepy either. You just came during the day; that’s the problem.”

Citizens are urged to contact authorities with any information.