Wednesday, April 15, 2009

You ladies disgust me.

You pretend as though your island is so wholesome, as though you have this love of reading and - oh! oh! oh! - this appreciation of well-written heroes, but I know the truth. And it disgusts me to the core.

Please spare me the protests.
I know about that "hero draft" last year where you picked heroes to bring to the island. And I have done the math, too: a ratio of seven heroes to every one lady? Are you going to tell me that I am wrong to immediately imagine [certain acts I won't dignify by naming that involve three individuals ]? It is obviously all you ladies think about.

I'm sure there are many sick variations.
Such as a [act I won't dignify by naming] with a vampire, a werewolf and a lady. Or perhaps two Regency heroes, caressing and fondling the tender flesh of a lady in a [act I won't dignify by naming]. Or a [act I won't dignify by naming] with a lady and two cowboys, sweating, straining, worshipping her womanly curves. Or three cowboys! Or two cowboys and Cat, the young pirate from The Windflower, and a lady. Or a cowboy and Nathan Fillion and a lady. The possibilities are as endless as they are despicable.

Not only are you despicable to think that way, but inconsiderate.
I came here, innocently, to put up a post on behalf of my lazy and bossy blog mate, Carolyn Jean, and the truth of what your so-called island is really all about hit me in the face, like a cruel splash of ocean water.

How do you think it feels, to innocently come to your blog and have these torrid images forced into my mind, of dapper men in suits with dark desires?

Or hunky, naked men, all moving about, flesh on flesh, muscle on muscle, a huge orgy devoted to pleasurizing a woman who might be so unlucky to happen upon your shore?

Perhaps the woman has come to do a favor for somebody lazy and bossy, and didn't know what the island was about, and the gruff cowboys come to her, and their boots and hats are all dusty from riding all day, and they're tortured, emotionally, and they seduce her and she becomes so weak with pleasure, she can no longer think, and she loses her moral compass and she wantonly allows them to have their rough (yet tender) way with her? Has that ever occurred to you? No. I think not.

All of you ladies--you original island ladies, all ladies who post here, all authors who have visited as well as all you followers, you all disgust me.

Sincerely,
Miss Doreen

27 comments:

lisabea said...

D~You need to come to miss lisabea's hut. We'll hook you up. Nate's got some boy butter...

Lindsey said...

I really needed that laugh today. Thanks, Miss Doreen!

Anonymous said...

LB: I don't find that amusing at all. Or your avatar!

Lindsey: You're welcome. Now run! Save yourself!

~Miss Doreen

Jill Sorenson said...

I'm also disgusted! So disgusted that I can't wait to find out which deplorable acts Miss Doreen talking about. I need to know all the dirty details as soon as possible.

Glad to hear that Miss D is taking one (or two?) for the team.

Lea said...

HA!

That is quite the diatribe Miss Doreen, I do daresay!

Maybe a couple of Mai Tai's will make you feel more "cowboy friendly"??? lololol

Best Regards

Anonymous said...

Jill, I'm glad you are disgusted, too.

Lea: That is very considerate of you.

~Miss Doreen

Katiebabs a.k.a KB said...

I think Miss Doreen needs her own harem so she can get laid.
Come join us.

lbgregg said...

Nothing comes between
Batman and Robin, except Miss D and a vat of boy butter. Come to the dark side! We have martinis!

lisabea said...

Shit. Wrong avatar.

Carolyn Jean said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

KB: A harem??? of Men ....or sheep?

LB: both avatars disgust me.

yours, Miss Doreen

Kati said...

Dear Miss Doreen, and I say this with the utmost respect and, well, decorum...

You seriously need some DIK.

Love,

Kati

::scooping up some of LBea's boy butter to rub on her menz::

Lea said...

Who gets to lick off the boy butter? ;)

Jenre said...

Miss Doreen

I too have been an occasional visitor to this piece of paradise that is the DIK island and I have to wonder whether we visited the same place. I didn't see any men on the island at all, just a number of cabanas with the doors firmly closed. There was a lot of noise though, a sort of moaning noise which I took to be the wind rushing through the trees.

Although, come to think of it, it was remarkably still and calm that day....

lbgregg said...

mmmm....butter... it's like... buttah...

Renee said...

I'm intrigued by these variations Miss D is talking about. She seems to know quite a bit about them. Is there something from your past you need to share, Miss D? O.O

Confession is good for the soul, you know...

Tracy said...

and the gruff cowboys come to her, and their boots and hats are all dusty from riding all day, and they're tortured, emotionally, and they seduce her and she becomes so weak with pleasure, she can no longer think, and she loses her moral compass and she wantonly allows them to have their rough (yet tender) way with her?Oh, so you've already been initiated into the island! Very cool. Now you can take off your prude glasses and join the fun Miss Doreen.

Tumperkin said...

Shield your eyes from the filth, Miss Doreen!

*throws jacket protectively over Miss Doreen's head*

Oh God, don't look!!

*bodyswerves LB's cabana*

Not far now!

*Tries to hustle Miss Doreen towards motorboat but Miss Doreen wrestles herself free and runs towards a small dark beach hut and stares in the window*

Miss Doreen? Miss Doreen, what are you looking at?

Carolyn Jean said...

Snort. OMG. I think Miss Doreen is crazy!

Anonymous said...

Kati: Gasp!

Lea: Nobody licks it off!

Jenre: Perhaps the moaning was islanders, disgusted with selves!!!

Renee: Some people's soul are pure

Tracy: Glasses! speak for yourself, young lady.

Tump: At least you tried!

CJ: Sick

xxoo
Miss Doreen

Carolyn Jean said...

You guys are very funny and silly!

JenB said...

OMG, when did my mom learn how to blog???

Carolyn Jean said...

Snort.

Katiebabs a.k.a KB said...

We have boy butter? What about jam?

Kris said...

O_O I thought DIK was like a giant book club and you were all reading in those cabana huts. I'm shocked and apalled.

Kealie Shay said...

Oh, you poor thing! You are obviously distressed and overheated as well... quick get one of the cabana cowboys with a palm frond!

Just breathe, Miss Doreen... it gets better. ;-D

Bridget Locke said...

*snort*

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