kris' bookfessions #2 - #5

Because I'm a sharing and caring kind of gal, I thought I'd post some of my favourite admissions from the Bookfessions site.


This has nothing to do with my laziness whatsoever.


*cough*


Instead, it is all about discovering, knowing there are other readers out there who feel exactly the same way that you do about books. 


Which, I think, is one of the greatest things about this online reading community we have.  


That feeling of finding kindred spirits.  


Now I have something in my eye...


Dammit.


kris' bookfession #2

To those people who think we readers are weird?  The feeling is totally fucking mutual.  Idiots.


kris' bookfession #3

Sorry Mumma!  I love you!


kris' bookfession #4

It's not my fault if a shop hires dickhead staff, who have absolutely no fucking idea how to shelve books by their correct genres.  I say there should be a special law allowing bookstore owners the right to corporal punishment so that their employees have a hope of getting a bloody clue.


Erm, sorry Mumma.


Again.


kris' bookfession #5

Amen.  :)

kris' bookfession #1*

*A few people have already read this, but I reckon they overreacted so I'm trying it out with a broader readership.  Make sure you get it right this time.

I'm not sure if you've seen a project going on called 'the burning house'? It's where people take pics of what they would take with them if, well, their house was burning down. It's fascinating so go check it out if you haven't already.


Another cool meme type thingy is 'bookfessions'. I love these. As a bibliophile I can totally relate.


So, these concepts got me thinking about which books I would take with me if my house was burning down.


For those of you who know me from my old blog it's a no brainer. The books I would save are those by my beloved *hand to heart* Sir Terry Pratchett.


*moment of silent awe*


Of course, the possibility of loosing my Sir Terry's to a fire caused my anxiety and OCD levels to rise to astronomical levels, therefore I started to prepare a disaster plan.


As you would.


Which, naturally, led me to a dilemma and then to this realisation:


Kris' Bookfession #1


If my house caught on fire, I'm pretty sure that I would save my Sir Terry's before my boy kittehs. 


Yeah, I might regret and stuff, but still... it's Sir Terry.  


Nuff said.


What would you do?  And be honest... I bet a whole heap of you thought about grabbing your ereaders before you even thought about the kids or pets, right.


Ha!


Case closed.

kris' confessions of a twit #3

My name is Kris and, yep, I'm still a Twit.  

By now you've probably come to the conclusion that I use Twitter mainly for following gay porn stars entertainment purposes.  Which would be absolutely correct.


As you have already seen, 'entertainment' covers a gamut of things for me like dazzling my Toy Poodle Flu brain with teh sparklies and registering on my weird-shit-o-meter.


In addition to this, I find Twitter a very useful tool for ranting about someone being wrong on the interwebs and, more importantly, for taking the piss out of (translation from Oz: making fun of, picking on, being a bitch, etc, etc) random people I've 'met' and become BFFs with online.

Oh, and Twitter also forms an integral part of my plans to take over the world and rule over you all as Queen of the Fucking Universe.


But that's me.


What do you like about Twitter?  


If anything... *mutteryoustillknowwhoyouaremutter*

kris' confessions of a twit #2

My name is Kris and I'm a Twit.  


Most people would probably be either (a) ashamed, (b) embarrassed, (c) furious or (d) all of the above to admit that they're a Twit, but I say revel in it.


Let's face it, it's probably the only social activity you can do in today's world where it's okay to talk - or, to be technical, type - to yourself.


Not that I would know anything about that, of course.


*cough*


So, what's the weirdest thing you've ever tweeted or seen people tweet?  Or maybe there's something you keep half-expecting/hoping someone might say?


For me, it's the 'off to change my tampon' tweet.  When that happens all my Twitter dreams will come true and my life will be complete.  I can't wait.  

kris' confessions of a twit #1

My name is Kris and on June 13 it will be exactly one year since I signed up to Twitter.


If you're thinking it was with good intentions that I joined so I could spread the message of my God, Sir Terry Pratchett, you couldn't be more wrong.  Strangely enough.


If you're thinking that I joined because I caved in to the temptation of The Dark Side, you'd be wrong again.  Darth Vader doesn't hold a candle to me.  Just sayin'.


If you're thinking that I joined because I'm a lemming... well, sit on this *makes obscene finger gesture* and rotate!


*ahem*


Actually, the simple fact is I did it when I was bored shitless one Sunday.


It's a fact I can't be held accountable for stuff I do when I'm bored.  


It's like the Universe stops until my Toy Poodle Flu brain gets another subject in its sights.  


For example, you know all those people who get abducted by aliens and lose time?  Totally me.  


True story.


Anyhoo, are you a Twit?  If you are, what made you decide to join the madness?  If not, how come?  You too good for Twitter or something?  *mutteryouknowwhoyouaremutter*

kris' bookstore confessions

Tracy is letting me make a flying visit to DIK to try and crack on to as many of the menz as possible within a short period of time wiggle my toes in the sand a bit so I thought I'd take the opportunity to make you aware about my latest discovery about bookstores.

You're welcome.

While it is true I am in the Top 10 Bookstore Nazis of all time, they are, as much as it might seem hard to believe, one of my favouritest places in the world.

They also appear to be a temporary cure for my wee obsession with cleanliness.

I kid you not.

The proof:

BTW, this is not me, but he's hella cute.

I can't tell you how many times I've ended up sitting on the floor of a bookstore to go through shelves or to start flipping through a book/s.

Do I care about when the last time the floor might have been cleaned or vacuumed?  Do I care I might end up scratching for the next two days because I'm allergic to the cheap-as-shit carpet?  Do I care about the fact I could be sitting in the exact same place where someone tracked in dog poo? Do I even care that the dog itself might have come in and sat down thus sharing it's fleas with the world?

No!

It's a miracle!  OCD cured!

Or it could just be my OCD is so focused on fixing up the categorising and shelving of the books  that it doesn't notice anything as disgusting as dirt, germs and dust mites.

Gross.

So, are you a bookstore-floor-sitter-downer?  Or are you way too fastidious for that?  Maybe you bring your own sterile cushion because you know you won't be able to resist the beckoning floor?

Now there's a thought...

further warnings about that lovey dovey crap, squared

To prove to you all that I'm not completely negative about this over-commercialised,  pro-beingpartofacoupleistheonlywayyou'lleverbehappy time of year...

Kris' Top 5 Romance Heroes You Would Never, Ever Want An HEA With But Would Totally Bonk On Valentine's Day If Given The Chance (in no particular order):

1.  Prince Charming is a romance hero meant for meaningless sex.  Why?  Foot fetish.  Who the hell knows where his hands have been!  At least you can "helpfully" give him a antibacterial hand wipe post-dinner and pre-sex, otherwise...  Ewww.  Case closed.

2.  The Beast is a romance hero meant for meaningless sex.  Why?  The Beast, despite the icky shifted sex factor, was the awesomesaucest of the dark, tortured heroes.  However, after his transformation to the oh so Beautiful Prince?  Fucking boring.  Case closed.

3.  Edward Rochester is a romance hero meant for meaningless sex.  Why?  You really have to ask??  The guy locked up his wife, screwed around, and then lied to Jane who was supposedly the one true love of his life!  You do not want to go there.  Trust me on this.  Case closed.

4.  Robin Hood is a romance hero meant for meaningless sex.  Why?  Camping.  *shudder*  Also, giving away all that potential book buying money is just wrong.  Case closed.

5.  Vishous aka V is a romance hero meant for meaningless sex.  Why?  Well, this might come as a shock to some of you, but...  He's gay.  Case closed.

So, which romance hero would you hook up with, but avoid like the plague if he wanted an actual 'Relationship' with you?  Enquiring minds, blah, blah.

further warnings about that lovey dovey crap

We You poor misguided fools who read romance and sigh with happiness every time a unicorn poos out another rainbow-coloured twu wuv story.

You're all living in a butterfly-farting fantasy world where Valentine's Day provides the means and opportunity for so-called lovers to try and maim or kill one another.

And as for all those heroes and heroines that you love reading about??

Yeah, so not going to last.

Kris' Top 5 Romance Couples That Would Never, Ever Make It And You Know It (in no particular order):

1.  Romeo and Juliet wouldn't have lasted.  Why?  Child marriage always ends up in a trailer park with one of the spouses running off and leaving the other with the kids.  It's like a law or something.  Case closed.

2.  Adam and Eve wouldn't have lasted.  Why?  As the Mumma said, if Adam had a go at Eve for eating an apple, God only knows what he would have done if she'd tried chocolate.  Case closed.

3.  Heathcliffe and Catherine wouldn't have lasted.  Why?  Let's face it, they were both psychos and their relationship would have ended up with one or both of them in a mental institution or in prison for murder.  Case closed.

4.  Darcy and Elizabeth wouldn't have lasted.  Why?  Oh, c'mon.  The pride and the prejudice thing??  Hello.  Case closed.

5.  Rhett and Scarlet wouldn't have last-... hang on a minute... they didn't.  Case closed.

That's me.  Which romance couple do you think wouldn't have lasted?

kris' valentine's day warning

Me: I got stuck with Valentine's Day last year!  I don't see why I have to do it again.  *poutmope*

Tracy: *points at schedule*

Me: Fine!  *mutterdildoheadofaschedulemutter*  But I'm not talking about lovey dovey stuff and someone needs to get rid of all this crap.  *kicks teddy out of the way*

Yeah, it's me.  Back again.  Just in time for Valentine's Day.  Again.  Oh.  Joy.

Yeah, I'm still single.  No, that's got nothing to do with my opinion about the day and the fact that I've yet to find my soul mate.

Thanks for reminding me though.

Fuckers.

Actually, I think all those peeps out there who are billing and cooing and leaving droppings all over the place need to seriously reconsider what they're about to get themselves into.

I mean, think about it...

There's a stalker with a crossbow.

Rich food you feel obliged to eat even when you know it's going to screw with your diet and give you zits... or the shits.  One of the two.

Chocolates hiding things like peanuts which makes you glad you remembered to squeeze that epi-pen in your ridiculously small bag.

Sprained ankles and blisters from the new high heel shoes you're never going to wear again.

Enough cutesy stuffed toys for you to feature in your own show of The Hoarders.

Hayfever from the stupid, damned flowers.

Plus, who the hell can afford to spend all that $$ in this economy?  Let alone want to waste it on someone you may not be with next year or you only tolerate most of the time anyways because, hello, you don't want to be alone for Valentine's now, do you.

Oh, and also...

Ever noticed how Valentine's Day has the same initials as Venereal Disease??

Yeah.

Warning:  Valentine's Day may cause severe ill health or death.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Masochists.

welcome to the DIK giveaway!

Woo and hoo! :)


Tracy let me out of the DIK brig to announce our Big Winter Giveaway.  


Yeah, she's letting me bask in her glory.  She's nice like that.  


Sometimes.


Anyhoo...


Since we can't afford to bring you all to the island and we took a vote and decided we didn't want a bunch of drunken peeps hitting on our men, we decided to go with the next best thing?  A desert island giveaway!  But without involving the actual giving away of a land mass! 


I know!  We rock!  *beams*


What's going on?

Starting 20 December through to 2 January - yes, even on Christmas Day! - we will be giving away 2-3 different books per day thanks to some very generous authors.


Who you ask?  Well, there's LB Gregg, Josh Lanyon, Julie James, Jaci Burton, Astrid Amara, Nicole Kimberling, Juliana Stone, Stephanie Tyler and Devyn Quinn just to name a few.  It's awesomesauceness!


How it works?


To enter all you need to do is leave a comment with your email addy on the giveaway post, but you'll have to be super quick because each day's contest will only last until midnight that night (PST). 


It's open internationally and, once Randy The Randomizer has done his thing, the winners of the giveaways will be advised in the comment section of the post and via email.


This means that if you don't subscribe to the comments or provide us with your email you're shit out of luck and we will laugh our arses off at you when we give the book away again after 24 hrs.


You're welcome!


So, in the spirit of giving...

Santa said you were very, VERY good and told us to start off with...


A $10.00 gift certificate to All Romance eBooks (Giveaway #1)!

MERRY KRISMAS!

kris' confessions of a bookstore nazi #3

The last of my bookstore gripes is one associated with the Twilightification of book covers.

You're probably more than aware of this phenomenon:

Yeah.

Katiebabs chook pointed out this complete WTFery to readers a couple of years ago.

Then, it was relatively new.

Now, well, there's absolutely no escaping it:

And if you look closer...

Cassandra Clare and Charlaine Harris?

LKH next to The Vampire Diaries??

Teenage?!

I didn't realise the Dewey system came with an 'if-they-have-black-covers-and-are-about-vampires-they-should-be-shelved-together' classification.

How silly of me.

Obviously I owe the fucktards an apology.

kris' confessions of a bookstore nazi #2

Yeah, I have plenty more to say about bookstores and the way some of them classify their books.

Look at the blog title.

Now look at the picture.

Get over it or go away.

Now where was I...

I don't know about you, but it annoys the absolute crap out of me when I have to go to a gazillion different sections to try and find a book.

Maybe it's only me who doesn't think it's always the case that any story with a vampire or a werewolf in it has to be horror?

Or perhaps, book goddesses forbid, that different genres such as romance might even have sub-genres like paranormal or historical?

Or that some authors might *clutches pearls* write both adult and YA, which means that, no, actually you don't bloody shelve them together?

I mean, seriously?? How fucking hard is it to get this shit right?!

*mutterfuckingfucktardsmutter*

kris' confessions of a bookstore nazi #1

This might come as a shocker to those of you who know me as a person of rainbows, fluffy bunnehs and shit, but when I enter a bookstore it's like I become someone else.

Someone possessed by the ghosts of all of the scariest old lady librarians that you've ever seen in your whole entire life, that is:

My name is Kris and I am Bookstore Nazi. Shop assistants see me coming and cower in fear.

I kid you not.

Let me tell you a story...

Once upon a time, a beautiful, innocent reader was browsing through the science fiction section of a major bookstore - which shall remain nameless - when, suddenly, she saw the most horrific thing that would dramatically impact the rest of her sweet, young life...

Maeve Binchy in sci fi...

Oh, the humanity!

I HATE THAT!

Any bookstore should at least know their product enough to put the bloody thing in the right genre section.

I can't tell you the amount of times that my mumma has pulled me out of a shop because I am either (a) going to go up to the counter and tell the staff to get a friggin' clue or (b) take all the books from the shelf, move them to the right section and then tell the staff to get a friggin' clue.

*mutterfucktardsmutter*

kris asks about your favourite

Now that I have encouraged you to totally diss the Handsome Prince thing, I thought why not do an about face and talk about our favourite stories.

It's really not as hypocritical as it seems.

Maybe.

Moving on...

This is mine:

Truth In The Dark by Amy Lane is an m/m fantasy romance reinterpreting the Beauty and the Beast fairytale. I read it recently and was completely taken by it.

One of the things I really liked was that both heroes were complex and tortured as well as each having beast-like characteristics - physically and emotionally. *That actually sounds mean, doesn't it. Oh, well. This is me, after all. ;)*

What I loved the most about it however, was the way in which the author twisted and turned the idea of 'the transformation' to give the reader a dark, unique yet deeply satisfying story. Great stuff and an insta-fave.

So, what about you? What 'Beast' or 'Ugly Duckling' book would you recommend and why did it appeal to you?

kris asks more about the crappy prince thing

I guess I should have probably asked you all yesterday if you were fans of the Beauty and the Beast theme, but:

(a) you would have already been struck down by The Romance Genre Gods if you weren't;

(b) I am random and why give you a false impression of myself; and,

(c) I would have had to think up some other shit to post about today.

So getting back to my sort-of-related topic for today...

My response to wanting the Beast to stay in his form, whilst icky in a shifted sex way, reminded me that I was also one of those who preferred the Ugly Duckling to remain his adorable little ungainly self and for him to tell his siblings to fuck off.

Yes, although it is quite possible I have image issues, what about you?

Do you reckon the whole Beautiful Swan thing is over-rated, not to mention high maintenance? Or are you a fan of this romantic trope?

Some thinking music:

kris asks which hero do you prefer?

Ladieeeeeeeees and a few gentlemen.

Welcome to the Smear-o of the Hero!

In the pretty, teeth whitening and butterflies farting corner, we have...

The Handsome Prince!

*Boo. Hiss.*

And in the dark, brooding and complicated corner, we have...

The Beast!

*RAWR!*

In all seriousness, though, is there anyone out there who actually didn't prefer the Beast in his, well, beastly form?

Cos I gotta tell you that when I posted about this a couple of weeks ago the overwhelming majority were pretty pissed at the whole love-transformation-spell thing.

So are you a Beauty or the Beast kind of romantic sap?

I'd say who I prefer, but I think it might be obvious.

Just a little. ;)

kris' confessions: reading taboo #3

So, it's time for my last confession and it's a biggie.

You ready??

Kris' Reading Taboo #3

My name is Kris and I read on the toilet.

Yeah, and who says that guys are the only ones allowed to do it??

Why is it such a friggin' taboo subject when it comes to girls?!

I say women readers of the world should unite by sitting down and taking back the toilet!

I mean seriously think about it for a sec...

Who is it exactly who sits down on the toilet the most??

See.

Case closed.

Kris' St Patrick's Day Thought For The Day

Women Readers Say No To Double Standards:

Demand Throne Time Of Your Own!

kris' confessions: reading taboo # 2

My next confession will strike at the hearts of bibliophiles everywhere and I'm sure will gain me no friends.

However, I shall gird my loins in the hopes that you are all firm (to the power of infinity squared) believers in the concept of honesty being the best policy...

*gulp*

Kris’ Reading Taboo #2

My name is Kris and I am a Spine Cracker.

*hangs head*

I know! *wailing* I’M SO SORRY.

But it’s not all my fault! I swear!

I’m 99.9999998% certain that my house has a gremlin with an unhealthy obsession for book marks, which means I HAVE to lay my book face down to mark my place because there’s NO WAY IN HELL will I ever, EVA be one of those Evil Page Corner Turners.

Recently discovered stash of book marks in house where owner died in suspicious tbr-pile collapse circumstances.

Erm. I don’t s’pose anyone out there knows of a support group for spine crackers, do they?

Hello?

Anyone??

You hate me now.

Don't you. :(

kris' confessions: reading taboo #1

It will come as a total surprise to those who are familiar with me that I am frequently can occasionally be a bit of an attention seeker.

Shocking, I know.

So, I thought why not play up more than usual during my 3-day return to DIK – and trust me there will be a hell of a lot of drinking and hitting on the heroes *mutterprobablyotherpeoplesmutter* involved as well - by owning up to all most a few of my bad reading habits.

Theoretically I’m amongst friends, right? Hopefully?? Ladies???

*ahem*

Kris’ Reading Taboo #1

My name is Kris and I am a Chronic Reader Of Endings.

I know it's a bad habit, but I can't help myself, especially

(a) when it's so friggin’ obvious where a story is heading that I want to see if I guessed it right, and

(b) when the story is complete and utter shite and I want to see if there is any reason why I shouldn't just stop wasting my time and put the book in the pile for the secondhand bookstore straight away.

Thankfully reading ebooks has meant that I’m unable to get to the end very easily. That is, I generally have to use two hands to co-ordinate, which requires me to put down the glass of wine I'm holding. Not going to happen.

With a print book, however, there is no chance in hell that I will resist. I can literally count on one hand the number of books I’ve read that I haven’t flicked to the end.

I kid you not. I am that bad.

What about you? Are you a goody two shoes or an impatient cow total rebel like me?

just because i read romance doesn't mean i'm a sap

Oh, all right. That's probably the biggest, fattest lie I've ever tried to type with a straight face in my life.

Just my sorry arse attempt to be bah humbug in the face of all the hearts, roses and whiskers on kittens abounding the world at this time of crass over-commercialisation.

What do you mean am I single?! What the hell does that have to do with anything??

*ahem*

Hi, my name is Kris, and I read romance. It is also true that I am a complete and utter hopeless sap for any other form of romance that happens to resonate my way.

It is approximately 1 minute cos I had to make sure that I had the right clip 2 hours, 24 minutes and 13 seconds since I stopped re-watching the love scene that I am the teeniest bit obsessed with at the moment.

Yeah, I said at the moment, thus indicating it is something which happens on a frequent basis in my world.

*mutterthat'snotnecessarilyabadthingmutter*

Admit it. We've all had a deliciously, mushy experience where we've read or watched something which gave us such glorious goose bumps to the point that we couldn't resist doing it all over again. (Or, in the case of those of us with OCD, over and over again to the power of infinity squared.)

For example, does anyone remember that moment right at the end of Sixteen Candles when Jake asks Sam to make a birthday wish and she tells him 'it already came true'? *sniffle*

How about when Baby and Johnny do the final dance in Dirty Dancing? You know you were clapping and squeeing like me. *Woot!*

Or when Romeo and Juliet see each other for the first time in Baz Luhrmann's modern interpretation? With Des'ree singing Kissing You it still has the ability to give me shivers. *sigh*

Recently, my love of m/m romance has led me down the time suckage path of watching gay couples find love - not to mention drama - in various soap operas.

I know. Believe me if I wasn't enjoying myself immensely I'd be totally ashamed. Go Kish! *unrepentant grin*

And now... well, now I've discovered the awesomeness that is Queer as Folk. It's from this tv series that the object of my current obsession comes. It's smoking hot subtext, the onscreen chemistry, clever camera shots and montage as well as a great soundtrack has me all aquiver:

God, I'm so friggin' in love with this scene! :D

*Must. Not. Rewatch.*

What about you? Have you ever become so thoroughly enamoured with a love scene from either a book or a movie etc that you've obsessed it to death?

C'mon. Fess up.

Think of this as an international chapter meeting of Saps Anonymous. ;)