"Cougars & Cubs", And No I'm Not Talking Shapeshifters....

Last week a group of friends and myself got together for a triannual meal an gab fest. We try and meet 3 or sometimes 4 times a year to catch up on what is going on and have a little fun. We have our careers in common but "shop talk" thankfully doesn't dominate the conversation. The interesting thing is that our ages range from mid 20's to early 60's but it is irrelevant, there is always plenty to talk about be it boyfriends, husbands, children...grandchildren, travels.

One of my friends lost her husband who was her soul mate and best friend in a tragic motorcycle accident about 5 years ago. To say she was inconsolable would be an understatement. In the aftermath of the accident she sunk into the depths of depression which lasted for approximately a year. It was so significant that a friend who I'm particularly close to and I thought we might lose her too. Thankfully, she eventually decided she would live and slowly began to pull the tatters of her life together. She is now 61 years of age, beautiful, very fit and extremely personable. About 2 years ago she listed with a couple of the online dating services that are available and has met some nice men through this medium. There have been a couple of guys who have been very interested in her but there hasn't been enough of a spark on her part to invest in a long term serious relationship with anyone.

She keeps very busy, but she is lonely, and loneliness isn't good for someone with her history. A short time prior to our dinner out a man 16 years younger contacted her through the online dating group and wanted to meet her. By all accounts he seemed very sincere and genuinely interested in getting to know her. However, while she professed that "age shouldn't matter" she worried that she would be considered a 'cougar' for dating a younger man! One of the younger woman in our group of ladies indicated that she had watched a show on the learning channel that profiled the dating scene where older women (cougars) specifically date younger men who are apparently referred to as 'cubs'. o_O Wow!

It seems to me there is a real double standard when it comes to this issue. Do you remember the furor surrounding Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's relationship and eventual marriage? There is a 16 year age difference and I can remember Demi being referred to as a cougar and a cradle robber. Please, by all accounts they seem happy together, their age difference doesn't seem to bother them any!

Conversely the age difference between Harrison Ford and Calista Flockart is 22 years. I haven't read anywhere that Harrison is considered a cougar! In fact, I don't think anyone batted an eye, because it is the MAN who is older than the WOMAN. Further, I think considerable age gaps when the man is the senior has been historically accepted, but when it is the other way around eyebrows are raised and the woman gets the insulting label of a cougar.

Years ago I saw a wonderful movie called 40 Carats with Liv Ullmann and Edward Albert, here is the synopsis:

"40 carats is a diamond in the rough .... which centers around a 40's woman who goes on vacation in Greece finds love with a much younger man then abandons him to go back to her life in New York. However, she quickly finds out that her daughter is dating the same guy she left in Greece making for some awkward humorous and embarrassing moments . 40 Carats is not ha ha funny but the subtle adult humor in which it was handled makes it very funny. By todays standard, ullman would have just been passed of as silly sex starved cougar and the young male( albert) a stupid eye candy figure head. But 40 carats doesn't insult the audiences intelligence which would have been easy to do at that time. Instead it takes an intelligent and often funny look into age, gender double standards that still exist to this day to some extent."

Hello, "gender double standards" the term 'cougar' didn't exist at the time the movie was made and it never occurred to me that Ullmann's character was some sort of cradle robber. I loath this kind of gender prejudice, because that is exactly what it is. Further, in my friend's situation, I don't care how old a partner she may find happiness with is, the bottom line is that she finds a nice companion.

What are your feelings on this subject? Do you think age matters in relationships? Do you like May / September romance stories in literature?

This is me, a middle aged cougar ogling all the 'cubs' on the island.. lol

Tori and I are departing the Island today, Naida is arriving tonight and I know will have 3 days of great posts coming up! Thanks Everyone! *g*