Wednesday, August 20, 2008

My devious plan for domination... sort of

As my werewolf lover, Adam, and I top the raise of the highest hill on the DIK island we spy in the distance a small land formation. Not quite large enough to be considered an island and far from paradise upon which we all live. Rough rocks are battered with waves as the wind beats at it’s shores. Our protected cove seems worlds away from this barren landscape. As my eyes linger on the desolate vista a kernel of an idea is planted in my brain. During the walk back to our cabana (Adam lovingly carries me over the more challenging terrain) the idea begins to grow. Our island is populated with the best of the best: books, heroes, and friends. But what of those things we wish never to see again? Those things that want to pull out your hair as you bang your head against the wall? For those items I present to you Exile Island.
Upon Exile Island you may cast the hero or heroine you wish had never been. You can exile a book, movie, song, musician, pal who covets your hero and plots evilly against you.... ehem. The exile need not be permanent, but it can be if the item/character/person offends your sensibilities that much.

So let me start this out. I have cast upon Exile Island the following:

- Kenny G ::shudder::
- the novella in On The Prowl written by Sunny
- canned peas
- excessive use of the Big Mis
- and if certain DIK residents don’t stop plotting against me and Adam I may consider sending you there, as well!!!

So what else should we send off to Exile Island? You can determine if it deserves a permanent stay or a temporary one. Go ahead, you know you want to. :)


KT Grant said...

I vote for Elizabeth Amber's hermaphrodite heroines and the double peni men who love her... him... it?

And get rid of Wednesdays. I hate hump day!

Anonymous said...

Ooohh, I am drinking the multiple Big Mis haterade with you. One is fine in a book but 4 or 5 make me scream.

I know I have more to send to Exile Isle...but my brain is on pause today. I'll be back.

Kati said...

Oh! I have ALL kinds of characters I'd like to send:

First: Dr. Isabel Stevens. Could she be more obnoxious? I'm sorry you cut your (incredibly hot) boyfriend's LVAD wire. No really, I am. But jesus, get a friggin' life, girl.

Second: Marissa from LOVER REVEALED. No really. Hate her.

Third: Can we just send all the stupid hero names to the island? Striking Jaguar anyone? Sheesh!

Fourth: Dawn from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yuck. Whiny brat-child.

It's hot and humid and horrible on Exile Island, yes??

Shannon said...

MK- I am so with you on the Dawn exile. Grrr. Glory can go there, too.

Humidity would be a fabulous torture, but could you imagine Kenny G's hair if that were the case? It would take on a life of it's own!

Tracy said...

Oh I think Kenny G and Marissa from LR would get along great together - both incredibly annoying!

Let's see:
*laundry (I'm not sure how this would work but I hate it, so it goes)
* I think I'm gonna send the Omega from the BDB books there as well
*alarm clocks

Carolyn Crane said...

You are so clever! I nominate Dan Brown novels.

Oh, hold on, DAWN???? But she is the key! How about Riley? He really brought Buffy DOWN.

Joanna Chambers said...

I vote Ayla from Jean M Auel's cavemen books.

And artificial sweetener.

And margarine.

KT Grant said...

Cramps and cellulite need to go also.

Tracy said...

Oh dude! Cramps and cellulite - how could I not have included those? Good thinking KB

Ana said...

definitely cramps and cellulite LOL. and I second the Big Mis too.
And Angelina Jolie's lips - they enfuriate me. Yes, random I know.

Jack Shephard from Lost, after all if you wish to send all these unwanted things and people to this island what better way to torture them than to have a leader that has a god complex and wants to FIX everyone?

what else? what else? Ah! Can I send my mother too just for a while? I jest. maybe.

LesleyW said...

Dr. Isabel Stevens - the reason I stopped watching Grey's Anatomy, when she cut that wire, that was the end for me.

Buffy from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, no really, she annoyed me no end.

And drivers who are perfectly capable of cutting you up at 60 mph, but then proceed to drive in front of you at 20.

Anonymous said...

There are too many to put here.

Amy WInehouse. She may be talented but that's no excuse ofr her or her behaviour. And it would stop the music industry milking her dry and then spitting her out.

On a lighter note...*g*

Fake Tan - what's wrong with being pale?

Frizzy Hair - Why won't you just sit nice on my head?

Ana you wanted rid of Anjelinas lips, I have the same issue with Penelope Cruz lips. I hate them. Puffy fish lips is what I call her.

Big Brother - If I want ot watch weirdos make a fool of themselves, I can go to any local nightclub.

Tom Cruise - He's just f**king nuts. It makes me uncomfortable. He makes my skin crawl nowadays.

Joss Whedon - Because he only gave Wesley and Fred HALF A FRICKIN EPISODE together. After FIVE YEARS! I still haven't forgiven him. Not even Firefly redeemed him. He needs punished.

And from the world of romance - virigns who have freakin awesome orgasms on thier first try! (It's a pure jealousy thing.)

British TV SOaps - they dominate the TV EVERY NIGHT OF THE WEEK from 7.00pm to 9.00pm. On every channel. Not everyone wants to watch dreary asshats having affairs with their sisters boyfriends secret lover while simutaneously defrauding the community of their christmas hamper money. Ugh!

KT Grant said...

Miley Cyrus
High School Musical
Jonas Brothers
Jessica Simpson
Britney Spears
TSTL heroines
Heroes that are man whores

Sayuri said...

I second all of Katie(babs) as well!

little alys said...

Uh...uh... what all of you said.
Too many things *coughpeoplecough* to exile.
Plotless stories.
Perverts (I'm talking about the actual kind).
Stupid people.
I'll think on it. Heh.

Kim said...

Lindsey Lohan
All reality TV shows (Bachelor, Survivor, American Idol etc.)

Jeeze...I hope Exile Island has alot of square footage because it is getting crowded up in there.

Ciara said...

NOOOOOOO Adam!!! *sob*

I want to send TSTL heroines and every bodice ripping hero who has trouble with the concept of "Consent." (and everyone who disagrees with me that "forced seduction" is an oxymoron.)

And I want to exile Shannon so I can have Adam for my very own. *MINE*

Shannon said...

Where I go, Adam goes. That means you would exile him, as well. Then you would not be able to see him.

KB- yes, yes, and yes.

Ugh! Tom Cruise! Exile Island is becoming my own personal hell. Tom Cruise would use the evil that is Kenny G to force people to convert to Scientology. "If you join me I will break his saxophone."

Can I exile Keira Knightly until she has eatten about two dozen cheese burgers? That girl is really looking like a bobble head, she is so emaciated.

I am adding the hero and heroine from Nobody's Baby But Mine. I like SEP, but those two made me angry.

Ana said...

Sayuri! No do not send Joss to the island! Please, I luuurvs him. But I hear you on the Fred and Wesley thing. Oh the pain, the pain. My poor Wesley.

Ciara, yes send forced seduction away! NO no NO is NO goddman it

Kati said...

*MK whispers*

I don't have a thing about forced seduction. I loved Whitney, My Love.

Does that make me unevolved or not a feminist or something equally horrible?

Shannon said...

MK- I think it depends on how it is done. There is a fine line between rape and being reluctantly seduced. She capitulated in W,ML but it wasn't like she decided "Oh yes, this is something I really want to do." It was more that she loved him so she stopped fighting.

I know I have read books where it has worked, but I am brain dead right now.

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