Wednesday, February 16, 2011

further warnings about that lovey dovey crap, squared

To prove to you all that I'm not completely negative about this over-commercialised,  pro-beingpartofacoupleistheonlywayyou'lleverbehappy time of year...

Kris' Top 5 Romance Heroes You Would Never, Ever Want An HEA With But Would Totally Bonk On Valentine's Day If Given The Chance (in no particular order):

1.  Prince Charming is a romance hero meant for meaningless sex.  Why?  Foot fetish.  Who the hell knows where his hands have been!  At least you can "helpfully" give him a antibacterial hand wipe post-dinner and pre-sex, otherwise...  Ewww.  Case closed.

2.  The Beast is a romance hero meant for meaningless sex.  Why?  The Beast, despite the icky shifted sex factor, was the awesomesaucest of the dark, tortured heroes.  However, after his transformation to the oh so Beautiful Prince?  Fucking boring.  Case closed.

3.  Edward Rochester is a romance hero meant for meaningless sex.  Why?  You really have to ask??  The guy locked up his wife, screwed around, and then lied to Jane who was supposedly the one true love of his life!  You do not want to go there.  Trust me on this.  Case closed.

4.  Robin Hood is a romance hero meant for meaningless sex.  Why?  Camping.  *shudder*  Also, giving away all that potential book buying money is just wrong.  Case closed.

5.  Vishous aka V is a romance hero meant for meaningless sex.  Why?  Well, this might come as a shock to some of you, but...  He's gay.  Case closed.

So, which romance hero would you hook up with, but avoid like the plague if he wanted an actual 'Relationship' with you?  Enquiring minds, blah, blah.


KT Grant said...

Sorry my dear, V is not gay. He's Bi and he'd be the best one to have a kinky and hot menage with.

And I could never understand why Maid Marian would want to live in the forest with Robin. I guess he was great while they hid under their blankets at night.

Patti (@TheLoveJunkee) said...

Love it! Foot fetish - hahahaha!

Vincent Copsey said...

LOL! Brilliant.

Tam said...

Robin Hood made me laugh. I like camping, but for a week, not a lifetime.

Han Solo. You just know he's going to bail at the first hint of commitment and who the hell knows where he'll come out of hyperdrive. However for a weekend it would be hot and dirty.

Blodeuedd said...

Lol, these posts are great and yeah V is so gay ;) And evil Hood giving away money that I could buy books for

Sarah said...

Vishous aka V, yep. Totally agree. Isn't there some kind of imagery, hidden meaning thing going on in a ghost girlfriend???? LOL

Kris said...

KBC: He is definitely gay. The kinky stuff is meant as punishment for his 'urges'.

I'm trying to think of a clever use of arrow head in association with sex, but I think I need more coffee.

Patti: It's true and you know it. ;P I've also seen an awesome reinterpretation somewhere of the Prince finding the slipper and then trying it on. It was hilarious. <3

Madelynne: Thank you. I always try to be as insulting as possible whenever I visit DIK.

Kris said...

Tam: You like camping?? You're as weird as Jen is. :P

Spot on about Han Solo. Plus he's in love with his ship... and then there's the Chewie thing.


Blodeuedd: "And evil Hood giving away money that I could buy books for"

Exactly! Selfish bastard. Also, all that damp and dirt is just totally unsuitable for books. Case closed.


Sarah: "Isn't there some kind of imagery, hidden meaning thing going on in a ghost girlfriend????"

Bound to be. Probably something about ghosts of girlfriends past and moving on to something that won't disappear in your arms, blah, blah.

Tam said...

What can I say? Used to take the kid camping in our tent every summer. It's a lot of work though and we had to stay at provincial campgrounds with flush toilets and showers, but I like being around a fire at night and the smell of camping, if someone else does all the work. We haven't been for a few years though. I've seem some beautiful things, the milky way so clear and amazing almost made me cry.

Chris said...

I hate camping. Bah. Give me a comfy bed and modern plumbing conveniences, please!

Hmm. Harry Dresden. He's sort of disaster prone...

Tracy said...

LOl Hilarious!

Artemis said...

Not with a Prince.
Not with a Beast,
Not with a Hood,
Not with a V
You let me be.

Um, it's late; brain is fried. Who the hell is Richard?

Kris said...

Tam: You like the smell of camping?? Or the smells of the great outdoors and the campfire cos otherwise... unclean people turn you on??

Chris: I totally agree. HD would end up getting you killed.

Tracy: *grin*

Artemis: Nice. :DDD Richard?? Do you mean Rochester?

Kaetrin said...

Pretty much any of the vampire heroes for me (except Edward who I would not bonk in a million bazillion years - ew) - they're hunkalicious but we couldn't go out for lunch or they'd DIE. Dude. Heavy. As the BDB boys would say - "are ya feelin' me?"

Kris said...

Kaetrin: Good call. On the other hand you would never have to hear them bitch at you if they tag along when you go shopping. Also, pretty easy to kill for their money. Just off them when they are in their vampire sleep. The installation of a sunlight would work.

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