Friday, February 13, 2009

Eric Northman's secret diary day 239

...continued from day 238 below
Day 239

Our time in the cave was a success. Sully lost a great deal of money to me in blackjack, Dain made a wonderful drunken spectacle of himself and broke some stalagmites, the Wroths told some dirty stories and I once again had the opportunity to break CAB's nose. F**king delightful.

But then, wouldn’t you know, Rain Tairen Soul discovered us having fun without him and he freaked out. How could you not invite me to your secret cave? he cried, laying waste to the area around the cave entrance, as the clouds whirled and all such things. Do you not like me?

Uh, no?

Then Rhev told him it’s a secret club, just for vampires whose names begin with certain letters, and men with the initials D or GS. We asked Rain if he was a vampire, or if his name had the initial D or GS.

Rain again began to shake with anger, and the wind whipped up, and the birds began to fall from the trees. No! he cried. I am not a vampire and my name doesn't have those initials!!!

Then Rhev told Rain if he would bring us a duckbill platypus from the other side of the island we would consider letting him play. He was off like a shot. But of course we realized he would tell his buddies, Mulder, Kirk, Kel-Paten and worst of all, Batman.

Grrrrrreat.

Rhev reminded us if we had invited the BDBs, they could’ve scrubbed Rain's memory and dropped him on the other side of the island. We put it to a vote and decided V could be invited to our secret hideout if he hurried and scrubbed Rain, but NONE OF THE OTHER BDBs. And no rapping. Hopefully that will work. I don’t mind V, and I know Carolyn Jean has always thought very highly of him, ever since she read about that bathroom episode.

Sometimes I look at Carolyn Jean while she is sleeping and I want to weep from gratitude that she chose me first, above all other heroes. I love her raven hair, and the lilt in her voice, and the way she always knows the right things to say and do to make this life here fun.

I know she was upset when Ciara took Ethan McCabe in the hero draft, because he was CJ's other first choice.

The other night we were walking together and she saw Ethan weaving a hat for Ciara out of fruit, flowers and feathers from colorful island birds, as well a his own feathers.

Nice hat, she sniffed. Not!

Ma’am, Ethan said in his ridiculous accent, and then he went to a nearby clearing to gather more feathers.

Jealously does not become you, my sweet, I said.

I'm not jealous. It’s just a stupid hat, she said, kicking dirt on it, and then she stormed off.

Ah, my spiteful little vixen!

Since then I have been working on a Valentine’s day gift for Carolyn Jean: a glorious chair made from bleached tendons and bones of various dead animals as well as shark’s teeth and bits of fur.

Plus a skull. Don't ask.

The point is, my CJ will love it, I’m sure; it suits her temperament perfectly; what’s more, the other island girls, especially Ciara, will stew with jealously, which will make my flower all the happier.

7 comments:

Ana said...

LOL

a chair made of bones and a skull that "suits her temperament perfectly"????? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

so good. *claps* *bowdown*

Loving this, I love Eric. Poor Rain .

Carolyn Jean said...

Thanks, Ana. Yes, Eric may have been a bit hard on Rain!

Tracy said...

and I once again had the opportunity to break CAB's nose. F**king delightful.
omg this is too friggin funny. Poor Rain he just can't catch a break.

I love the way your brain works CJ!

Jenre said...

Hilarious again, CJ.

I just love how all the men revert back to 10 year old boys in the playground the minute that the women leave them to their own devices.

Then Rhev told him it’s a secret club, just for vampires whose names begin with certain letters, and men with the initials D or GS. We asked Rain if he was a vampire, or if his name had the initial D or GS.

Classic!

Bridget Locke said...

CJ-I *heart* you! That made me laugh, esp. the part about the "secret" chair. *snicker*

Oh, this was great to wake up to! :)

Renee said...

Awesome. It looks like Eric made that chair in summer camp from hell. lol

Rain totally made me snort my coffee.

So, what does Eric think of Little CJ?

Kris said...

Sometimes I look at Carolyn Jean while she is sleeping and I want to weep from gratitude that she chose me first, above all other heroes.

Eric loves you CJ. He really does.

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