Monday, April 18, 2011

Who the Hell is Matthew Lang?

So by the looks of both the author line up and the url of this website, I have to admit being a little surprised to be writing here. I appear to have the wrong set of genitals. On the other hand, I suppose the currents aren’t always picky about which desert island they wash man loving authors up on. Or maybe they are. I have to say, this looks like my kind of desert island. Seriously. I mean, love the coconut trees, the distinct lack of large predators and the fact that there’s a convenient source of fresh running water leading into a pool that’s both picturesque and perfect for bathing...or watching other bathe. Incredibly sexy, muscular men, not wearing a stitch of clothing, water glistening on their skin as they rise from the... excuse me I need to go talk to my partner for a bit. Be right back!

Okay. That was... where was I? Oh right, desert island, with fresh water, coconuts, and an abundance of seafood. Now all I have to do is learn how to spearfish and we’ll be right. Thankfully we’ll have no problem with kindling for fire given that we have all these b... brown coconut husks. I have to admit I’m not too keen on firelight to read by though. It’s always hard getting it at the right angle to view the text from, and the smoke eventually makes me want to sneeze.

Am I overthinking this? I’m overthinking this aren’t I?

Let’s try this again. Hi, I’m Matthew, and I’m a compulsive writer. The first story I ever wrote was terrible. It was a very bad attempt at retelling a story I had read in class that week. Or had read to me that week. My sister was typing something up for school (my father worked for a computer company before the rise of the PC), and needed to print it out at my dad’s work, and I didn’t want to be left out. I can’t remember exactly what the story was. I think it was about a triceratops who wanted to fly like a pteranodon and in the book it was several beautifully illustrated pages of saurian joy. My version was about four lines in one paragraph that told the story in a much worse way. I kinda wish I still had it though. It was a cool story and had dinosaurs in it. I like cool stories with dinosaurs in them. The funny thing is I don’t think I ever really wrote other stories with dinosaurs in them. I started writing stories with elves in them instead. Then, being the big geek that I am, I eventually joined a Buffy The Vampire Slayer Role Playing Game. I noticed in the official character sheets that Willow got herself a drawback point for being a minority ‘gay’. Prior to that the sexuality of my characters never really came into play...literally or figuratively. Once I found out I could get build points out of it, I was like ‘bring it!’.

It was probably around that time that I seriously started questioning the material I was reading: why weren’t there stories with stories I related to on a personal level? And yes, by personal level I meant why were there no epic stories where the main character, was a gay man? Or where there was a gay character not played for chuckles or stereotypes or strictly there to fall in unrequited love with the straight male protagonist? And then I decided the only way to rectify the situation was to write.

I was sixteen when I first realised I was a writer, and it was another four or five years before I came out even to myself. And since then it’s been about a decade of study, writing and procrastubation before I buckled down and seriously took the steps on the journey of publication. And given how recent those first steps were, I don’t know if I’ve hit the mark, or even come close, or how much further I have to go. You might have to read my work yourself and let me know.

But that’s going to have to be enough for one night. The fire is burning down to embers and I want to get under the mosquito net before the bugs get me. I hate getting bit by mossies, don’t you?


Tam said...

Welcome Matthew. I'm sure your genitals are just fine. Just don't poach the ladies cabana boys and you'll be fine.

Mosquitos seem to feel I am an all-you-can-eat buffet, so I prefer to slather myself in toxic cancer-causing chemicals any time I step out into nature. Just don't lick me and you'll be fine.

And hey, I got credit for the hottie of the day. Woohoo. :-)

Chris said...

Hiya, Matthew!

Heh, I'm not a good flavor to mosquitoes, so I don't get bitten that much. Especially not when my brother is around - he is the extra special favorite mosquito flavor. :)

Artemis said...

Well, now I know who the hell Matthew Lang is. And I am intrigued. Mosquitoes, all part of the great outdoors. If I want to play, the repellent has to intervene.

Matthew Lang said...

Hmmm... maybe we should see if there are any citronella bushes around this island. They work quite well don't they?

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