Friday, May 21, 2010

Penis Day on DIK

Anyone who reads romance, especially erotic romance has seen assorted penis references. Usually the guy is ‘well hung’ or ‘hung like a horse’. Today I am talking about three books with three different penises that are forever burnt into my mind. Along with these books and penises I am including a list of all the penis slang words I could come up with. I know I am missing a lot, so please add some more penis slang's in the comments area (I’m dying to hear what you all come up with!).

Penis slang: wiener, pecker, tally-whacker, schlong, dong, wang, cock, willy, prick, sizzlestick, log, equipment, junk, eleventh finger, love missile, dipstick, hot beef injection, lance, poker, pole, wanker, tube steak, spunky monkey, skin flute, manhood, hooded knight/warrior, clit commander, jizzer, kielbasa, pipe, probe, Mister Winky, Mister Happy, one-eye monster, salami, tool, tonsil tickler, meat, man root, yummy doodle, third leg and last but not least Vlad the Impale-HER (a personal favorite slang of mine).

What’d I forget?? Bring on the penis slang!

Now time for famous penises in books! {Famous to me anyway!}

First up: The Largest Penis

The largest penis is romance fiction I’ve read is in a book called “Passion” by Lisa Valdez.
The hero, Mark Randolph Hawkmore Earl of Langley is so huge that no woman has been able to fully take his manhood. That is until he met up with Passion. Passion wanted all of Mark and Mark was very, very determined to give Passion every inch of him.
The scene in this book where Mark actually penetrates Passion’s cervix (there’s a “pop” sound”) is beyond erotic and steamy…it’s part horrifying in a fascinating way and completely mind blowing. All I can say is that chapter seven of “Passion” is forever burnt into my brain. Read it! *grin*

Next: The Pierced Penis

My first pierced penis read is also my favorite. It’s “Dangerous Games” by Lora Leigh. The hero is a hard-bodied Navy SEAL Clint “Iceman” McIntyre, who likes a bit of bondage and hardcore sex. He's one of my all time favorite heroes - the full package- smart, sexy, good looking, a bit dangerous, tough and vulnerable to his lady love and more.
He also loves his pierced penis (and so do others) because according to him it gives more pleasure to the woman he’s banging and himself.
Chapters eleven and twelve must be read with a tall glass of ice water, a fan set to high speed and hot hunk ready for action. *waggles eyebrows*

Next: The Alien Penis

Have you ever read a Scifi book about a sexy human-looking alien with an amazing penis designed not just to pleasure women, but to drive them mad with multiple orgasms? I have.
The series is “The Cat Star Chronicles” by Cheryl Brooks and the male penises are amazing. The first book in the series is "Slave" and it's still my favorite of the series and my favorite Sci-fi romance book to date.
They put human male penises to shame! First these alien penises can move- like a third arm. These males have complete control of their penis and it can do wonders in a woman.
Secondly, the head is flared and when excited the foreskin sort of blooms and oozes a fluid that from one drop gives a woman an orgasm – it’s more intense if she tastes it. Also they can’t and don’t masturbate. To relieve an erection they must have a female and when they are sexually satisfied they purr like the cat that ate the cream (and sometimes they do!).

Those are my top three stand-in-my-brain-penises in books.

What are some of YOUR three books that have memorable penises in them? Let’s go, I’m taking notes here! *grabs handy dandy Books to be Bought List and pen*


Michelle Greathouse said...

WoW! LOL I read Slave and was amazed...and a little scared. The thing seemed to have a mind of its own. :)

My word to add to the slang game is - dick.


Jess (The Cozy Reader) said...

Awesome picks! I haven't read any of those but wow...I might have to now!

How did you miss dick!? Too funny!

My contribution is: ding-a-ling and dingy

Anonymous said...

*slaps forehead* DICK!!
Thanks Michelle!


Hi Jess, I have no idea how I could forget 'dick'! LOL



Lea said...

"The Throbbing Lance of Love"...

"Peniwacker"... (did you already say that one?)


OMG Ms. M. you have sure 'jumb started' my morning.

Elizabeth Amber's Satyrs are extremely well endowed. In fact i know at least one of those guys has to penises. I can't remember if one is retactable or not. lol

Another 'great' topic Ms.M.... (topic in high school biology class?) ROFL

Lea said...

Ack, I'm tired - it's Friday - TGIF

I meant "jump started"...


Anonymous said...

Hi Lea!
I don't recall if had a specific penis discussion on that biology class, but I am sure some of my penis slangs came from those boys!
Specifically I know "tube steak" being a favorite with one guy (don't ask!).



Jessica said...

I've read two of the three you listed MsM. Will be looking for the other one, Passion. Sounds interesting! The only books with incredible pricks I can name are Lora Leighs, especially her Bound Heart series and the Special Ops series. Her descriptions of the penis' in question's 'hard' to explain. They are just great, they story lines are too!

Lea said...


I meant two penises like I said - tired today.

Oh and Larissa Ione's seminus demons - hot as hell. They definitely leave the ladies "happy". lol

"tube steak" eh? - yikes!

Okay, I think I'm done now, back to work..

Keira Gillett said...

Here's my penis list (some in romance and some not so much lol):

Blue veined (insert word)
Dangling participle
Fuck muscle
Hard on
Love tool
Love meat
Love muscle
Love organ
Man root
Man muscle
Meaty prong
Percy (pet name)
Pillock (old term)
Purple-Headed (insert word)
Womb Broom

Unknown said...

Hi Ms M!

Had to stop by today to see what havoc you'd be creating today, LOL!

We were just speaking of this yesterday (me and a couple of blogger buddies, and you know who you are, LOL). My favorite is squeezing said member into a really tight space, LOL. I read one book that said something like "her body swallowed his cock inch by inch" and "he knew he was too large to give her his full length all at once".... And I'm laughing thinking, where the heck do they buy their jeans, are they tailored? With a muscle walking around like that, wouldn't you see him coming? YIKES! That would be a hide worthy experience.

slang term: willy

Dottie :)

Unknown said...

Was it a contemporary or a historical? If the latter, you gotta hope he gets his coats tailored on the long side... lol

Mary G said...

OMG you are so funny. I loved Clint in Dangerous Games & it's the book that got me hooked on LL.
I think you forgot "package. I have another slang word. If you've ever read Sarah McCarty, her heroes have penises that go almost down to their knees hence my slang word is "tripod".

I won Slave from Cheryl. Got to read it.

Sullivan McPig said...

I've read some LOTR slash in the past and the word lots of those writers loved to use was 'elfhood'

Anonymous said...

Dottie: "Hi Ms M!
Had to stop by today to see what havoc you'd be creating today, LOL!"

*gives Dottie innocent look*
"Havoc"?? Me?? Damn! You know me too well! *grins*


LOL Oh you ladies are cracking me up!
"elfhood" - *shudder*

And of course "package"! I had that one written down and can't believe I forgot to add it! Thanks for the reminder.



KT Grant said...

Elizabeth Amber is the author who has written a heroine with a penis who uses her penis on the hero with 2 penises.

Lots of dangly bits in her books.

Anonymous said...

Oh my KB! I am sure I haven't read that one! LOL



Tracy said...

Well let's see - there's Lora Leigh's Breeds who have the knot or barb that comes out of the end - and of course they are always the largest penis you can imagine (although Passion's guy with the massive penis might beat LL's).

Then there's Candace Sam's alien in Electra Galaxy's Mr. Interstellar Feller. His penis head would rotate to give the woman (or man) more pleasure - yikes.

And....I can't think of a 3rd one - sorry! lol

Great post!

Anonymous said...

Hi Tracy! Good call on the LL books!

I almost mentioned Lora Leigh's Breeds books with the knotting penises but I decided to go with 3 books instead of four.

My favorite L.Leigh Breeds book - "SOUL DEEP"- has the hottest knotting penis sex scenes in my opinion and I've read a lot of the Breed books!

A rotating penis head?? *crosses legs*



Tracy said...

I LOVE Soul Deep! One of my favorites as well. :)

Booklover1335 said...


I enjoyed Passion, and Lora Leigh's SEAL's all are yummy. I don't remember him having a pierced penis, so I guess as a true romance reader I should re read it :)

Another book where large penis size is an issue that I enjoyed was Robin Scone's The Lady's Tutor. If you haven't read this one yet MsM then you are definitely missing out!

Have a good one !

Anonymous said...

*jotting down "The Lady's Tutor"*

Thanks for the heads up on that one Booklover!



ElaineG said...

OMG, what a great post! I had to read the list twice, cause I stumbled a couple times:"clit commander" and "yummy doodle"! never heard those before:)...I must be old! My personal favorite is Johnson. Ah, isn't it interesting the names that grown men think will lure a woman? Have a great weekend everyone

Anonymous said...

Thank you Elaine!

I learned "yummy doodle" over a year ago from Urban Dictionary(love that site), the "clit commander" was a fairly new one to me!



diva donna said...

Awesome Yummydoodle post. My favorite word as you know.
But I think you forgot to mention Whopping Weasel!!!
And you covered some good books. I love all of them. I'd say Kate Douglas has some awesome and Eww!! Real Wolf Penises that make you want to Howl outloud.

Nancy Bristow said...

Hey Hey MsM...Another name to add to the penis list is "dragon." (Jade Lee Tigress series). Also in general, "snake", and "Mr. Happy." *snort*

I've read all three books you've listed plus most of Elizabeth Ambers (the double penis is a Satyr thing and happens monthly:) and most of Lora Leigh's books.

I can add my endorsement to "The Lady's Tutor" by Robin Schone. I thought it was excellent.

And don't forget MsM: We've got to Free Willy!

Martha Lawson said...

Definitely read The Lady's Tutor! It was awesome..

Loved reading all the comments! LMAO..

Alex the Girl said...

Okay, the Slave book has my mind racing and I haven't read adult romance in a quarter of a century! Names of the penis:


Alex the Girl said...

Okay, the Slave book has my mind racing and I haven't read adult romance in a quarter of a century! Names of the penis:


Mitzi H. said...

My son and his friends (when they were much younger) called it a "one eyed trouser trout".

I'll never forget Bonnet calling his Leroy in Gabaldon's outlander series.

And one of my favorite scenes is in Dragonfly in Amber where Claire is telling Jamie that "The Americans call theirs a Dick" and she goes on to explain how she once called a patient a hairy dick...which sent everyone into howls of laughter....including me.

Smokinhotbooks said...

I've read a sci-fi romance where the alien guy had two wee-wees *redface*

I believe I have only read one book so far where one guy (in m/m) was referred to as having smaller wee-wee..I think this was in Lotus in the Wild.

Kris said...

"A rotating penis head?? *crosses legs*"

My reaction exactly. Reminded me of Ford Fairlane: "Stanley... as in the Power Tool!"

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