Monday, December 15, 2008

How Tumperkin Chose Her Heroes (Part 2)

[First thing the next day, T and S are sitting at her desk pouring over the list.]

T: So. I want Sebastian Verlaine.

S: Ma'am I really cannot recommend Verlaine as one of our party. His reputation - it is appalling! He has sunk lower than any other man on this list.

T: (mulishly) I want him.

S: (whispering) Ma'am, he has committed the Sin of Forced Sex.

T: (shrugs) So?

S: (shocked) You're not bothered by that?

T: Syddy, the forced sex storyline has a tendency to split the romance blogging community in two, if not three. Me, I think it can work. It's all about how it's handled and in my humble opinion, it's handled nowhere better than in To Have And To Hold by Pat Gaffney. The redemption of Sebastian Verlaine is my favourite ever redemption.

S: The man is a louse.

T: A sexy louse. He's coming. Who else you got for me? I suppose Fitzwilliam Darcy's long gone?

S: I'm afraid so, ma'am.

T: Probably just as well. Seb and Graham will want to organise an orgy or two - Darcy would disapprove. I'll try and catch up with him separately once we're on the island. Make a note to call his people when we get there. Arrange lunch or coffee. Just something casual.

S: (writes in notebook)

T: (casually) I've noticed Charles isn't on the list.

S: (stiffens almost imperceptibly) Charles?

T: Audley? From An Infamous Army by Georgette Heyer. Charles is lovely and you two get on so well. What with you missing your right arm and him missing his left....

S: (bitterly) Yes, he's got one arm and a tash. Little Mr. Perfect.

T: Syddy! You can't be jealous! Not of Charles!

S: Of course not! (goes beetroot) It's just that he's so - dashing and all, in his scarlet uniform...

T: Syddy, you're my best one-armed man, I promise. Who's my PA?

S: Me.

T: Yes - you! I chose you to fetch my lattes and muffins and organise my schedule, Syddy. Not Charles.

S: (smiles) Yes ma'am.

T: Good. Tell Charles to bring his horsey thingy. I like to see a man on horseback. Oh, and what about Sherv! How is he these days? Dear Christian.

S: He's quite recovered ma'am, though he still has a slightly odd way of talking. His bout of mania -

T: It was a stroke, Sydnam.

S: Yes, stroke. Well, he's well and truly over it ma'am.

T: Still doing his little sums?

S: Yes, indeed.

T: How sweet. He's gorgeous too. Yum. Do you think he'd be interested?

S: I'll call his people.

T: Do that. Tell him to bring his abacus thingy if he likes. Is that it then?

S: We've one more slot left.

T: Goodness, who to choose?

S: Might I venture a suggestion ma'am?

T: Please do.

S: I'm surprised you've not thought of him already. He's strong and good and honourable and very hot.

T: Oooooh I like the sound of him! Tell me more.

S: He's very - natural and rather, well, innocent. Almost virginal.

T: (eyes light up) Arms?

S: Two, ma'am.

T: (disappointed face) Well, no-one's perfect. Tash?

S: It's been known. Not at present but he could re-grow. Enlightened views too. And an artist.

T: You don't say? Who is this paragon?

S: Michael McNeil.

T: From Wild at Heart by Pat Gaffney? How could I forget! Tell him to bring his painty thingys. You and he can paint together and I'll watch. And maybe you'll start feeling strangely attracted to one another and before you know it -

S: (looking worried) Um, yes ma'am. I'll, erm, make a note of that.

T: (briskly) So, we're all set?

S: It would seem so, ma'am. Cocktail?

T: Yes indeed, Syddy. I think a gin fizz, don't you?

S: And a snog ma'am?

T: Oh yes, Syddy dear, I think so!


Bridget Locke said...

Said it before, but will say it again T, you're a genius. :D

Kati said...

Wow...there's gonna be a lot of "art" going on in your hut, T! Thanks for kicking off my day poifectly!

lisabea said...

Tumperkin, a hint of the m/m at the end? Yes? And a snog?


Tracy said...

LOL so very funny! Just brilliant T.!

Love the fact that you're disappointed that the hero has 2 arms! lol

Carolyn Crane said...

T!!! This is so highly entertaining and fabulous! My goodness, all these one-armed men and tashes! OMG, you rock!

sula said...

woot! Another fab entry. "have your people call my people" ;)

And I'm very pleased with the Rufus eye candy. yum.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I loved Charles Audley -- awesome choice! But the heroes you don't mention the books for -- could you give us the titles and authors? I'd like to look some of them up. Thanks so much. :)

Ana said...


yay, we still have one more day!

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