Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Breaking News: Three suspects sought in island outrage

DIK ISLAND - In a turn of events that shocked residents of this sleepy island, three individuals landed on the shore in what appeared to be an eighteenth century style schooner and left with a number of items and several male inhabitants.

Three suspects are wanted for questioning include “Crazy Little CJ,” who appears to be a young girl but has reputedly been trapped in a painting for several decades, notorious novelist L. B. Gregg, and actress turned fashion designer Jaclyn Smith of Charlie’s Angels fame.

Items reported missing include an ice machine, several of the female inhabitants' chocolate and liquor supplies, and an inflatable zodiac raft.

It was unclear if the male residents left willingly or unwillingly, but law enforcement officials will not rule out foul play.

Listed among the missing are Ethan McCabe, Richard Armitage, Bowen MacRieve, Royce Westmoreland, Conrad Wroth, Logan a.k.a. Wolverine, Fox Mulder and King Leonidas. An individual known as Zsadist is also presumed missing, but that has not been verified.

The authenticity of a statement signed by MacRieve, Westmoreland, Wroth, Wolverine, Mulder and Leonidas stating that they are "heartbroken" due to rejection from by a woman they called Ana has not be confirmed by authorities.

Likewise, the authenticity of a statement signed by McCabe and Armitage claiming to be on a worldwide search for one ‘Carolyn Jean’ has not been verified.

The individual referred to as ‘Zsadist’ may also be among the missing, however, tearful sources claim that they can’t be sure he’s gone until nightfall, which led to extensive speculation among bystanders as to why a man would hide during the day.


Island inhabitants seemed dazed and were reluctant to give full names. They were also reluctant to provide information about about the day-to-day activities of the island, which outside observers consider mysterious. Male inhabitants appear to hold jobs, many of them in law enforcement, cattle wrangling and as international business tycoons, yet there is no evidence of commerce or ranching, and no law enforcement agency in operation there at this time.

Female inhabitants appear studious and even bookish, but reports from passing boats have led to speculation about unsavory highjinks. Casual observers point to the size of many of the men as evidence that steroid use is rampant there. A number of large dogs were observed from circling helicopters.

Said one resident: “this island isn’t sleepy either. You just came during the day; that’s the problem.”

Citizens are urged to contact authorities with any information.

34 comments:

Dev said...

Richard was spotted in Billings this morning. I may be willing to give more info for the right price...........

Carolyn Jean said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carolyn Jean said...

Oh, thanks Dev. Billings huh...interesting!

lisabea said...

HAHAAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA

::picks self up::

::falls down again::

HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAH

JenB said...

*le gasp* I am shocked that such a thing could happen on our island.

Ana said...

O.O

O.O

OH MY GOD hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah

can't believe it! OMG they took my men! ahahahhahahahhahaha . Ok, so I quit them but they were supposed to be around in case I needed them!

OH MY GOD.

Hands down BEST DIK POST EVER!

Carolyn Jean said...

Lisabea & JenB: Thanks! I am in shock, too.

Ana: You are too sweet. And please, let me extend my sincerest regrets for the loss of those men. At least you still have Sebastian.

Katiebabs a.k.a KB said...

It wasn't me! I was still sleeping in bed with Michael aka the feather duster. It was quite a late night last night.

meljean brook said...

LOLOL!

Awesome.

meljean brook said...

Also, can someone please save that poor feather duster?

Carolyn Jean said...

KB: Feather dusters sometimes tell tales.

MJ: Thanks! And please know we all love and respect Michael, feather duster jokes notwithstanding.

Though it's possible a certain feather duster will not respect KB tomorrow morning.

Nicola O. said...

ROFL...

Aymless said...

Alice! To the heli! HLO has a rescue to perform!

Sarai said...

Well all I can say is THANK GOD none of the menz in my hut were taken b/c I would seriously have to cut someone

Tracy said...

ROFLMAO!! OMG - crazy little CJ is reminding more and more of say....Chuckie! omg cj - you crack me up!

Z is gone? Wait - nope I checked - he's still here...hiding from the crazies is all. :)

jessewave said...

Can I please be kidnapped with the men? :DDD I know none of mine was kidnapped but I just want to be where the action is.

JenB said...

BTW, this LB Gregg person sounds like a pretty shady character.

Kim said...

OMG.
**Kim rushes into hut**

Attention please

Readiness levels at Rancho Roberts have now been elevated to DEFCON 1. The terror alert level has also been changed to level RED. An electrified razor wire fence has been erected around the perimeter. Motion detectors with FLIR units have been activated.

Protect the menz!

LOL Great post CJ!

Christine said...

LOLOLOL!!! Love. It.

(Especially since none of my men are among the missing!).

naida said...

oh my gosh! thats just scary that something like this can happen on the island. I hope everyone is ok.

http://thebookworm07.blogspot.com/

Carolyn Jean said...

Nicola: ! Thanks!

Aym: They don't want to be rescued.

Sarai: Not everybody was so lucky.

Tracy: Did you have Z? So sorry.

Wave: Oh, yeah. Welcome aboard.

JenB: Very mysterious personage.

Kim: LOL. Yeah. Good luck.

Christine: But did you bring the ice maker?

Naida: Yes, you never expect it in a place like this!

Tracy said...

Tracy: Did you have Z? So sorry.

Did? No, no sweetie - you must be delusional. Maybe a little too much of crazy little CJ comin through? I'd check into that cuz Z is safe and sound and all tied up on the bed. I mean he's on the bed. ahem - I don't go in for that naughty bondage stuff. no way. not me.

Christine said...

Christine: But did you bring the ice maker?

Holy Shit-ake mushrooms! I did!! Hot damn. WTF??!?

You know what that means, don't you?

NO ICE. *gasp*

lisabea said...

My hut is secure.

Adrien has garnished my margie (cuz, dude, I have ice) and we're sitting back in ye olde cabana, watchin' the hi jinx.

Kati said...

*pats down Katiebabs*

Where's Roarke? What did you do with him, you sneaky minx?!

CJ, you are full of awesome. Seriously. I'm thinking about taking you on as my heroine.

Kati said...

OK, LB when you said "margie" hand to God I thought you meant your margarine. LOL!

I'm so sheltered.

Carolyn Jean said...

Tracy: Hmmm, I thought Z was over that bondage stuff. Are you sure that is him and not V in disguise?

LB: What did Adrien garnish your margie with?

Kati: LOL I do believe Roarke was not among the taken so I'd DEFINITELY check KB's hut if he's missing.

Carolyn Jean said...

Christine: Well, the ice maker was such a great idea. Too great!

Tracy said...

OK, LB when you said "margie" hand to God I thought you meant your margarine. LOL!

LMAO!! omg this made me laugh Kati!!!

CJ - Cuz Z loves me he'll do anything for me. *bats eyelashes*

ciaralira said...

ETHAN!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

lol. Nice. This gets my vote for best of the DIK.

Bridget Locke said...

*snort* *gasping for air* LOLOLOLOLOLOL! Dude I thought I was going to asphyxiate myself while reading this one. Man, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.

I'm sorry your menz are gone, but what a way to go!

Mine are safe, thank goodness. :)

Sarah said...

haha, you're so funny.

I just woke up.... all men accounted for. LOL!

Katie Reus said...

Omg, I'm a day late, but effing hilarious!! Best post ever ;)

Shannon said...

You know, with all the FBI and Seal members in my hut we could organize a search and rescue mission. Sam and Stan are experts at extraction and Max could negotiate a hostage crisis. Fear not, the menz will. be. saved!!!

The DIK SWAT with convene tonight at 9pm. Bring booze.

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