Me: I got stuck with Valentine's Day last year! I don't see why I have to do it again. *poutmope*
Tracy: *points at schedule*
Me: Fine! *mutterdildoheadofaschedulemutter* But I'm not talking about lovey dovey stuff and someone needs to get rid of all this crap. *kicks teddy out of the way*
Yeah, it's me. Back again. Just in time for Valentine's Day. Again. Oh. Joy.
Yeah, I'm still single. No, that's got nothing to do with my opinion about the day and the fact that I've yet to find my soul mate.
Thanks for reminding me though.
Actually, I think all those peeps out there who are billing and cooing and leaving droppings all over the place need to seriously reconsider what they're about to get themselves into.
I mean, think about it...
There's a stalker with a crossbow.
Rich food you feel obliged to eat even when you know it's going to screw with your diet and give you zits... or the shits. One of the two.
Chocolates hiding things like peanuts which makes you glad you remembered to squeeze that epi-pen in your ridiculously small bag.
Sprained ankles and blisters from the new high heel shoes you're never going to wear again.
Enough cutesy stuffed toys for you to feature in your own show of The Hoarders.
Hayfever from the stupid, damned flowers.
Plus, who the hell can afford to spend all that $$ in this economy? Let alone want to waste it on someone you may not be with next year or you only tolerate most of the time anyways because, hello, you don't want to be alone for Valentine's now, do you.
Oh, and also...
Ever noticed how Valentine's Day has the same initials as Venereal Disease??
Warning: Valentine's Day may cause severe ill health or death.
Don't say I didn't warn you.