Monday, October 11, 2010

kris' confessions of a bookstore nazi #1


This might come as a shocker to those of you who know me as a person of rainbows, fluffy bunnehs and shit, but when I enter a bookstore it's like I become someone else.

Someone possessed by the ghosts of all of the scariest old lady librarians that you've ever seen in your whole entire life, that is:


My name is Kris and I am Bookstore Nazi. Shop assistants see me coming and cower in fear.

I kid you not.

Let me tell you a story...

Once upon a time, a beautiful, innocent reader was browsing through the science fiction section of a major bookstore - which shall remain nameless - when, suddenly, she saw the most horrific thing that would dramatically impact the rest of her sweet, young life...

Maeve Binchy in sci fi...

Oh, the humanity!

I HATE THAT!

Any bookstore should at least know their product enough to put the bloody thing in the right genre section.

I can't tell you the amount of times that my mumma has pulled me out of a shop because I am either (a) going to go up to the counter and tell the staff to get a friggin' clue or (b) take all the books from the shelf, move them to the right section and then tell the staff to get a friggin' clue.

*mutterfucktardsmutter*

31 comments:

Chris said...

So, how's your OCD? ;p

Anonymous said...

ooooooookaaaaay *backs away slowly*

Suzi.

Lea said...

Yes but it's very satisfying when you find a book that you have been looking for and can't find it because it has been placed in the wrong section. Then you can show it to the store clerk who has been madly looking for said book but cannot find it..

:D

Very Satisfying!

Kris said...

Chris: *hmpf*


Suzi: Awww. I wouldn't hurt you, Suzi. Not until after I'd seen your own bookshelves anyway...


Lea: I <3 U. I'm so doing that next time.

Chelsea B. said...

I know how you feel. I've been known to move a few books to their proper place myself :-) But I look at it this way: The books I move are one's someone is eventually going to be looking for, and I *want* them to be able to find them because I *hate* when I can't find the books I'm looking for. I mean, dang. It isn't exactly that hard to look at the side of the book and find out what genre it is.

Eyre said...

Kris, who does your hair?

I totally feel your righteous anger. I hate when bookstores can't fugure out the simple stuff.

Katiebabs/ KB said...

*snicker* silly woman

Tam said...

Huh. Really. *files this away for book store visits in SF*

I have to say that's not usually an issue for me. Although I love to go to bookstores they seem to rarely have the books I want, at least here. The kidlet has some kind of Pavlovian response that the minute we enter a bookstore she has to pee, so be ready. :-)

JenB said...

I used to work in a bookstore, so I'm always reshelving and straightening as I walk down the aisle. My poor husband hates it.

Smokinhotbooks said...

*whispers* sometimes....I don't put the books back in the correct genre when I'm browsing.

So, does this mean we can't shop together in bookstores?

Mariana said...

I always tell someone... then give them a "time-out" until they get their act together.

Since I got my e-reader, it's helped me avoid this situation... now I can just go sit and read without the aggravation :)

Kris said...

Chelsea: "But I look at it this way: The books I move are one's someone is eventually going to be looking for, and I *want* them to be able to find them because I *hate* when I can't find the books I'm looking for."

You're nicer than me. When I reshelve books at the bookstore I'm thinking about how much it will piss off that staff when THEY can't find them. *GRIN*


Eyre: "Kris, who does your hair?"

You like?? I had it done special for my visit.

My current theory is that the stupidheads they employ want to work there because they couldn't get a job at their fave clothing or music shop. Working at a bookstore was their trendy job back up.

Kris said...

Katiebabs chook: This isn't silly! This is serious stuff!


Tam: "The kidlet has some kind of Pavlovian response that the minute we enter a bookstore she has to pee, so be ready. :-)"

I'll make her pee beforehand and I promise *crosses fingers behind back* I will be on my best bookstore behaviour in SF.

Kris said...

JenB: I knew I liked you. :DDD


KC: "So, does this mean we can't shop together in bookstores?"

I'm not even sure I want to meet you now.


Mariana: "I always tell someone... then give them a "time-out" until they get their act together."

So in other words you're like me. You yell, storm out with promised of never coming back again and then when a new release you really REALLY want comes out you're back there, hoping no one recognises you.

Erotic Horizon said...

Maeve Binchy in sci fi...

Oh, the humanity!


Kris - I know this feeling...

I do the books in my local charity shop - and I have been known to smack a customer hand or two to put the books back in there correct slot...

Chick lit is not freaking crime fiction....

:)

Kris said...

I adore you, EH.

Peeps need to know *well, not really for those of us who have OCD* that it's totally okay to put things back in the wrong place at a grocery store or clothing store, but at a bookstore??

No way!

You can go to hell for stuff like that.

Just saying.

KC Burn said...

I can totally sympathize! I've had a few meltdowns due to lack of alphabetizing. I can't help but think... it's a bookstore... they should probably know the alphabet, right?!?

Kris said...

KC: "I can't help but think... it's a bookstore... they should probably know the alphabet, right?!?"

Yes! You'd hope that the people working in a bookstore would be, I don't know, literate. Geezus.

Tracy said...

Dude, so wrong. And if I have to deal with that in SF I'm staying at a hotel! lol

And yeah, I hate when they put books in the wrong section!

Kris said...

Tracy: "And if I have to deal with that in SF I'm staying at a hotel!"

Sweet, I'm following you to LA. Trust me. There is no escaping me and my OCD. :P

Kaetrin said...

Is this where I confess I once spent a very enjoyable 20 minutes putting all the In Death books in order in KMart? (actually, I did it twice - 2 separate stores). I found it strangely satisfying ...

Kaetrin said...

*just following the comments, don't mind me*

Kris said...

Kaetrin: "Is this where I confess I once spent a very enjoyable 20 minutes putting all the In Death books in order in KMart? (actually, I did it twice - 2 separate stores)."

O.O

Will you marry me?

Jenre said...

I can't actually remember the last time I went into a bookshop, and when I did I'm a 'look for it, grab it, pay for it, get out' kind of shopper, so I doubt if I noticed any wrongly shelved books.

Mandi said...

I always reorganize the bookshelves when I'm shopping.

ps - you are such a cute thing. Maybe a trip to the dentist..all I'm sayin.

Tracy said...

lol oh good. :)

Kris said...

Jenre: Don't worry. I'll point them all out to you in SF. :P


Mandi: I knew there was a reason I liked you, but have no idea what you mean about my teeth.


Tracy: I knew you would be pleased.

Emilie said...

I take books out of the wrong places and put them in the right section when I'm in a bookstore -- and not just when it's the secondhand bookstore where I volunteer.

Also, Kaetrin, I think I love you.

Kris said...

Emilie: "I take books out of the wrong places and put them in the right section when I'm in a bookstore"

You'd think that with so many of us doing it the bookstores would get a clue, wouldn't you. The dumbarses.

Chris said...

Bookstore manager: "No need to train the employees! Our OCD customers keep the books shelved perfectly!"

Kris said...

*snort*

Bookstore manager: Did you get the shelving done?
Staff: Sort of. I put all the black covers together in YA.
Bookstore manager: That's fine. By the end of the day they will all be in the places they need to go anyways.

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