Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Keeper of the Story

As we're having fun here on the island (and we are) and on our travels, we also have to be aware of the world around us, of the people who aren't having fun. I, personally, feel a need to leave a mark that contributes to a better world, that makes a difference in the society in which we live. To that end, a large part of the reason for the The Chapman File International Blog Tour is to raise awareness of and support for the fight against domestic abuse. This is a very personal cause for me, but also for millions of other women in the world. I've discovered on the tour that a lot of us either have had experience with abuse ourselves or we know someone who did.

The first domestic abuse shelter in the United States was founded in the 1970's. Sandra Ramos, founder of that shelter has worked tirelessly for thirty years to fight for the passage of laws to protect battered women. And to keep them housed and fed. She started out housing women in her living room. Today she has ten homes filled to capacity with battered women and their children. This year, in a downed economy, Sandra lost $400,000.00 in donations. She is struggling to keep these women in danger safe. If you can help, even with a little donation, please go to and click donate. Or click on the link above to donate.

Today, I'm bringing you the story of one of the women Sandra Ramos took in:

My story began in 1993 when I married my ex-husband we were married Sept. 11, 1993 and I never suspected that the man I married was an abusive man. The abuse started as verbal insults and through the years escalated to shoving, slapping and verbal threats and terrorism.

We had four beautiful children, who unfortunately had to endure and witness his terrorism. My batterer liked to keep me unsure of his motives at all times. He would get upset at the smallest things and I never knew what would set him off. A lot of times he would chase me and then throw his fists threw doors, glass and what ever he could hit. He even choked me a couple of times until almost unconsciousness!

I became very depressed and lonely because I was also isolated in the woods and didn’t have any friends. He wouldn’t even let me speak to people even family members on the phone. In winter 2004 I decided to divorce him and start a new life, but that was the beginning of my nightmare! You see what I didn’t know at the time was that battered women were at risk of losing their children to their batterers!

This sounds impossible but It happened to me. The reason this happens is that home makers are totally dependant on their husbands and we don’t have the resources to fight for custody in family court. Often times we lose everything we have including our cherished children! After losing custody victims of battering are often put on supervised visitation and punished for leaving our abusers.

Abusive men are using our courts system to further abuse women and children. According to an empirical research project, Abrams, R., & Greaney, J. (1989). Report of the gender bias study of the Supreme Judicial Court of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
A 1989 study by the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court found that in cases involving custody and visitation litigation, "The interests of fathers are given more weight than the interests of mothers and children." (pp. 62-63).
Chesler, P. (1991, 1986). Mothers on Trial: The Battle for Children and Custody. NY: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Publishers.

Phyllis Chesler interviewed 60 mothers involved in a custody dispute and found that fathers who contest custody are more likely than their wives to win (p. 65). In 82% of the disputed custody cases fathers achieved sole custody despite the fact that only 13% had been involved in child care activities prior to divorce (p. 79 tbl. 5). Moreover, 59% of fathers who won custody litigation had abused their wives, and 50% of fathers who obtained custody through private negotiations had abused their wives (p. 80 tbl. 6).

Unfortunately, this widespread epidemic has flooded our family courts all over the country! Strengthen our Sisters helped me try to win my legal battles to no avail. This went on for 2 years without any resolve. I am and have been for 5 years on supervised visitation and only see my four children twice a month for 2 hours! I also have to pay child support to my abuser to add insult to injury. My worse fears are realized when I lost my children to my ex-husband and had to listen to my children tell me how he hurts them. I am paralyzed to do anything about the situation. This fact crushes my heart; I am left to pray that god keeps them safe from harm.

Sincerely, Kelly

This post is brought to you as part of The Chapman Files International Blog Tour. Please join us in our fight against domestic abuse. We’re hosting a charity skate/walkathon on December 4th in Phoenix, Arizona. If you can join us, we’d love to have you. Tim and I are skating and we’re going to have a blast. If you aren’t going to be in the area, you can still sponsor us. Please. In our downed economy domestic abuse has risen and the monies to help have dwindled. To register for the skate, or to donate any amount to the cause, click here:, or go to and click donate.

There’s an item from our new book, The Third Secret, hidden on the tour with us. Guess the item to enter the drawing to win it! Today’s clue: Some are made out of pewter. Send all guesses to To see previous clues visit blog sites listed at Guess as many times as you’d like!

Don’t miss The Chapman File tour party on December 4th at! We’re giving away a KOBO e-reader and many other cool prizes! All you have to do to be entered to win is leave comments on the tour!

E-books of all of The Chapman File Stories are available at

Next tour stop: Monday, November 8, 2010. MIRA Authors: We hope to see you back here! The more blogs you visit with us, the more chances you have to win! Every time you comment your name is dropped in the bag for the prize drawings.

For weekly blog tour dates, visit Or to have the weekly schedule sent directly to your email, send request to

The Third Secret by Tara Taylor Quinn. MIRA, ©2010. ISBN 9780778328346 (paperback), 400p.


Darla said...

Oh that makes me so sick at heart, I sincerely hope and pray that someone will see what is happening to those children and do something to remove them from their father.

We need to start taking responsibility for this problem and find a solution, not just sit back and watch!

LeeAnne Williams said...

That story hurts my heart and angers my mind! what part of "abuser" are the courts not seeing! I pray for victims everyday! Peace, LeeAnne

Lynda K said...

It absolutely melts the heart that situations like this exist and in such astounding numbers. Makes me wonder the good that might happen if all the money spent on the recent elections was actually spent on issues where it would make a much-needed difference. Thanks for sharing Kelly's story and providing suggestions on how to help.

dikladies.guest said...

Darla, Lee, Lynda, I know the truth of this situation, and of another, somewhat similar one in Michigan. Sometime's the courts are blind and the children pay the price for that like of sight.

Copyright © 2008-2011 Desert Island Keepers All Rights Reserved. Proudly powered by Blogger

  © Blogger template Starry by 2008 Modified by Lea

Back to TOP